When it is dark enough, you will see the stars.

April was nothing short of a horrible month for me. I have never felt so alone, being away from my family, thinking that I was building one of my own, only to lose it all within a night. I lost all that I believed in - love, relationship, friendship. I had to leave Melbourne, and everything behind, including my little Remy boy, to escape from all the pain. I could bear it no longer. I was afraid that if I trapped myself in that "home" we built together, I would end up taking my life.

Being a doctor, and seeing parasuicide victims, I always wondered why they attempted suicide. Surely there are way out of whatever situation they were in. But when everything happens at the same time, it gets too overwhelming. At that darkest moment in my life, I was away from my family, found out that my dearest grandma had been admitted to hospital, I had no full time job, my man left me for my good friend, and I had an exam to sit in 2 days' time. My previously almost perfect little world, crumbled right in front of my very eyes. It was wayy too much to handle. I was close to taking my own life.

But the thought was fleeting as I kept telling myself, that I shall not let them have the last laugh. If I were to be gone, it doesn't change things between the both of them. It only changes things for my grandma, my parents, my sister, and my dear friends who still love me. It was then, that I realize that there are still people who love me, albeit being far away. My Remy boy loves me, although he can't verbalize it. He shows it with his actions.

It was then, that I booked my ticket - and flew home to be around people who would love me no matter what. People who had hopes and dreams on me. My pillars of strength. My stars on the darkest of nights. The ones that gave me my will to carry on.

Much has happened since the day he walked out. He has taught me that blood is always thicker than water. Your family will always love you. God, will always love you.

Grandma has been discharged from the hospital and is doing quite well. She spent the week with me before I came back to Melbourne. My good friends would come to see me after work, to have dinner or drinks, or just do nothing. They would ring to make sure I was okay. My sister would tuck me into bed, and tell me that tomorrow would be a better day, on nights that I cried myself to sleep. My mom need not say anything or ask any questions. She understood my pain. She would just give me a big hug and let me cry it out. She also made sure I had something to eat everyday, even though I couldn't stomach much. My dad offered few, yet very wise words - but I felt his love.

"You may be angry at her now, but a few years down the road, you will come to see that she has indeed done you a favour. She allowed you to see him for who he really is, and who she really is".

"And now it's time for you to show the world, and prove to yourself who you truly are, and what you are capable of".

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If only you were patient enough to stay during the darkest nights.
You will come to see that my stars are finally starting to shine.




Addit: This post was written with no malicious intent to hurt anyone. He did not choose to break the news just before exams. I knew that something wasn't right, and pushed him for an answer. 
Also, I hope my readers will not pass judgements, for whatever happened, remains between us. There is no hatred in us parting, and I hope things remain that way in years to come.