Back

I am back in the house in Melbourne. The flight was pretty good. It was delayed by an hour, so I got to spend some extra time with the family and grandma. But we still arrived pretty much on time, so the pilot must have been "speeding". We were a light load anyway. I got both seats to myself - window and aisle. Watched 2 movies, finished reading a book, and also had time to sleep. Unlike my life, there was no turbulence. Smooth flight back.

Walked into the house, and it felt as if he had erased his existence. Cleared his wardrobe, his shoes, his desk, alcohol on the shelves, well practically everything.  Perhaps it's not a bad thing. It made coming home a little easier, not to be greeted by all his belongings. Not to be reminded of what was, but is no longer. My eyes got watery, but it wasn't pain. It wasn't hurt. It was like "Take a last look, take this all in, reminisce a little if you have to, for tomorrow, it will all look different".

Tomorrow will be a brand new day. I have some shopping and redecorating to do. I need to move some stuff around, and the most important thing is to change the bedsheets and perhaps move the bed to a different position. I need to get a new ironing system as well. But all these, come secondary to spending time with my beloved little Remy.

My heart tugged when I found out that he's interstate to see her. That things are progressing at lightning speed, I can only assume. But then I told myself, it doesn't concern me anymore. If anything, he has probably done me a favour by making things very clear, to ease me in my journey moving forward. Perhaps my dear friend is right - That the end of our relationship for him, long predates the official conclusion when I was made aware. It just goes to show that you can sleep on the same bed, be right next to the person, yet not know exactly what's on his mind.

Coming back to this house was the ultimate test of strength for me. I had prepared myself for the worse. I thought I was going to breakdown when I touched down - but I didn't. As the plane approached the horizon, my heart seemed to have thumped so fast I thought I was going to die - but I didn't. Coming into the house, I thought I was going to be flooded with memories of us. I thought it was going to be impossible to sleep on the bed tonight - but it wasn't.

I am stronger than what I give myself credit for. I am proud.

It will take time. But acceptance is the first step towards recovery. And I don't have to be all magnanimous and be the first to congratulate them getting together, or wish them the very best in their future together. But I know that one day, I will not be affected one bit by what they are doing, with or without each other. And I long for the arrival of that day.

For I have a date with my dear friend, to celebrate over a glass of good red, and laugh at how life has its mysterious ways of bringing us to exactly where we ought to be. And at that moment, it will become apparent why it didn't work out.

I am back, and I am still alive. Took down all photos of us, and kept them in my keepsake box. No sobbing, no staring blankly at walls. No sleeping outside on the couch.

Today, I am looking forward to what tomorrow has installed for me. And I shall continue to do so for the rest of my life. Thank you, for the support of all my family and dear friends. You guys are absolutely amazing.

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I realise now why I never gave up blogging over the past 5 years. It's because this blog is my best friend. The one that I can say anything to. It doesn't judge. It doesn't try to give me answers or offer solutions. It just..... 'listens'.