My love, my baby, my daddy poo, my.....self.

What do you do when you cry till the tears run dry?
You cry some more.
You cry yourself to bed, wishing this is all a bad dream.
And then you find yourself waking up,
And cry some more.

But what does crying change? Nothing.
What does it bring back? Nothing.

But I guess the ultimate questions is...
What have we become? Nothing.
Not the same. And never again, will be.

I lie awake, realizing that I have absolutely nothing.
No job, no family, no friends, no place to call home.
No man, and soon, not even Remy.
I have not my soul, but merely a defeated body.
I have not my heart, but merely a cracked shell.
I have nothing. Not even myself.

Where do I go from here? What do I do tomorrow? What do I do the next hour?
How do I clear my head and sit for my exams?
How do I find myself again? Where do I even start. 

There is no longer passion in this house.
Only awkward silence, tears, pain and the occasional smell of death.
The love that was once there, no longer rests in me.
The life that we once built, will soon only be memories.
The laughters that we once shared, no longer brings you glee.

Initially, I always thought you were the giver.
As I could never fully open my heart,
And learn to trust, learn to give.
I was scared.
But somewhere along the way, you changed me,
Made me see that it was you all along.
That it was you I wanted that I wanted to have "forever" with.
You taught me to take the leap and give it your all.

Little did I know, that this is all.... just too late.
You love, but you're no longer in love.
You care, but can no longer be there.

"I love you"
Does not mean locking that person down.
There is no purpose in forcing two person to be together,
If it means that the both of them will be unhappy.

"I love you" means wanting that person to be happy.
Eventhough you may not be a part of it.
Wanting the best for him. Wanting him to do well, and soar high.
I am glad that I have been a part of that journey.
I do not believe in forever, cause it never comes true for me.
Perhaps, my role as your guide ends here.
Maybe it's time... to find myself again. To stand up again.

I really truly want you to be happy.
I just hope, that some day, that happiness could be me again.
"We" have drifted and let things get so bad. I am neither angry, or mad.
I am merely.... sad, and in pain.

I will be gone. For you, perhaps even for us.

But...

Some day... I will be standing here.
And you will "see" me once more.
The strong me that you fell in love with.
Just not today. Today, is not that day.