Can failed 'lovers' not be friends??
And by failed lovers, I don't mean your ex-es. I know alot of ex-lovers can't be friends, but I personally don't believe that. Because I'm still very good friends with alot of my ex-es (Okay now, I don't have THAT many ex-bf's). And sometimes, I feel that they make the best type of friends, because they know you inside out, and they understand you best. Although you both might not want the same things in life, not heading the same direction, etc... hence the split, but you still know each other well enough. Better than others out there! After all, you both shared something meaningful in the past, and perhaps... stilll do?
But what I mean by failed 'lovers' are the ones that didn't work out. The ones that didn't even start. The ones that 'didn't pass go. Didn't collect $200'. **too much Monopoly** You know that you're not meant to be with them right from the start. Those are the ones that you wanna remain friends with, because you know things are going to be awkward if you went ahead and went out with them... and then when things take a downfall, they get ugly. So why try when you know it's not gonna work?
But seriously, why is it so friggin' difficult for them to remain friends? I personally feel that I'm losing a number of guy friends because of this. Really, can't guys and girls JUST be friends? I don't think I should be punished for not wanting to start a relationship with someone whom I'm not head-over-heels in love with... or at least someone I'm attracted to.
X is an older guy with a stable career that went after me for quite awhile. And when I rejected X a couple of times, I think he finally gave up. Obviously, things are never the same as before. I thought X needed some time.. so time I gave him. But after months, he's still acting weird. The thing I don't understand is, why pretend that everything is alright infront of me, if it's not? If you're uncomfortable, just let me know. Speak up! If you find it that difficult, then don't friggin' see me! If everything's fine and dandy, then please, just act like YOURSELF!
I seriously think I give you more credit than you deserve. I thought you should be old enough to be more mature in your thinking, but NO! I thought you're smart enough to handle relationship issues, but NO! Seriously, what is it in your friggin' Y chromosome that makes it so difficult?
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Okay, I might not make sense. I might be rambling on and on about some stupid rubbish. But I just feel better letting it out. I don't friggin' wanna say it straight to your face, but if you're reading this, please grow up! * and no, age is not a marker of maturity*
Speak your mind. Stop being such a coward, hiding under the pretense that everything's 'cool', telling me that everything's good and then telling people otherwise. If you don't wanna see me, then don't call and say you wanna meet up and then act all weird when you're around me. Either be my friend, or NOT.
Please, I can do without those 'platonic friends' situations, thank you very much.
48 comments:
Everyone deals with issues differently. Maybe he's just not prepared to have you as a friend yet.
Relationships are complicated. No matter how old you are, I agree that it doesn't reflect on your maturity. Some people just don't know how to handle it.
HAHAHAHAHA! this guy fren of urs is really childish! good thing u never went out wif him or else situation would be even worse! i know some men r like that, getting all cranky coz they couldn't get what they want, its not they can't have a relationship wif u, its becoz they can't tell ppl they score wif u! & thats the truth coming from a guy! hahahahaha
IMHO, John in right. You can never just be friends. If they are, then deep down in places where they don't tell anyone, they are probably harboring that 0.00000001% that they might possibly get to have a relationship with you. Hehe ...
leanne: The thing is, I doubt he'll ever be prepared.
su yee: Yeaps. some people just can't. no matter how intelligent and mature they seem to be, when it comes to relationship issues, it's a totally separate thing with him.
john vain: Hahaha. It's not so much anger, as it is upset and disappointment. But yes, beter not to upset me. Kekekekeke.
How have you been? Haven't heard from you in awhile :D
wuching: Hahahah. I do know of guys who are like that. The ones who just wanna be with you cause they wanna 'score'.
I will give him the benefit of doubt, about the whole scoring thing, but still, he is acting pretty childish here. Just ticks me off!
loong: Hmm, maybe you're right. Cause all the responses that I get from guys seem to point that way.
But I sure hope he's not harbouring any hopes. Cause he's just not my type. It's never gonna happen.
Btw, thanks for dropping by! I popped by your blog. You've got some funny posts! eg. Moron Mountain. Keep it up!
Haha...very entertaining post, Mei. But have u ever thought that X is treating u different cos he knows he has no more hope with u. Why would X still treat u like his special one then?
prometeuz: I'm not expecting to be treated like a special someone. Just as a friend, like before. Where you can just be comfortable with each other.
But I guess I'm asking for too much, huh?
I don't correnspond with any of my ex-es. Mainly because those were the 'broken relationship' which in terms leads to 'nothing-to-say-to-each-other' status. Which is a shame i guess.. but failed lover is a different concept.. I guess it's a big damage to the ego when one gets rejected, so it's not that surprising he acts that way. Maybe he also needs to distance himself so he wouldn't be remind of the failure... *shrugs* each to their own..
- a very stressed me. =(
Kelly: Yeah, perhaps it's the ego thing, or maybe he just really doesn't wanna be around me, to remind him of the 'failure'. I acknowledge that it may not be easy.. but if it's so difficult, so perhaps it's easier not to speak to me at all? Rather than have things so weird?
Gee, I don't know..
How are you coping, girl? Don't stress too much. I'm sure you'll do just fine! We've got to pARTy once it's over!
My twopence on the subject:
Guys are generally an egoistic bunch. Would we really want to be frens with a guy that rejected us if there were still lingering feelings? Maybe thats his prob.
OR....
if you know a guy is interested (its not hard to tell) and you're not, its better to be upfront that ur not interested about it be4 he 'pops' the question. Guys can feel lead on which leads to animosity later when rejected la.
laine: I made it VERY clear from the start that I only wanna be friends. And everyone knows I'm not ready for another relationship at the moment.
Maybe I'm blaming him for liking(sorry, i meant liked) me, and subsequently ruining the friendship. Hehehe. Selfish me.
But how have YOU been, babe?
btw thats not me me btw. i have no idea which laine is that. LOL...
^_^
mine has a pic on it
Cling firmly to what you believe. It's your sincerity that will successfully influence him, even the most intractable opposition.
Just my 2cents......
stephen: I have no need to influence him. He does what he wants. I'm just venting :) Hehehe.
If he thinks I'm a friend that's worth losing, then it's his choice, really.
little melody: Uh huh.
Yeah, it was great seeing you too, babe! It's been sooo long, huh?
nah...it'll never work. guys who have been interested in me disappear fast when they find out that i'm not interested in them and just want to be friends. it's like right at the start, all they were interested in was to get a girlfriend...sheesh! what happened to just being friends?!?
as for ex-es, am still good friends (though no longer close) with my 1st one, but haven't spoken to my 2nd since we broke up...i would but doubt he would reciprocate.
anyways, when you look back, all this just seems so juvenile doesn't it?!?
i KNOW who u are talking bout!!! if he is the one u are talking bout, that is
\(^o^)/ *for knowing*
lol
guy's are weird... end of story
the aged too fast, but mature too slow...
sooyin: Yeah, you're right! They seem so juvenile! I shouldn't even be worked up about it! Lalalala. Mei shall just not be bothered! :D *whistles*
fun: You know who I'm talking about? (O_o) you're goooddddd. (>^.^)>
fun: guys "age too fast"?? LOL. go compare those ppl from the same year, and u'll notice more girls with grandma look than guys with grandpa look when they reach a certain age.
dont argue pls, tat's a fact. \(^o^)/
tat's y guys r adviced to marry girls who r few years younger.
haha...tqtq..we're sisters! of cuz i know!!
tmy: i meant, they only age, do not mature mentally...girls may look old..but at the same time, they are wise..
umm ya i meant their looks -__-
about the mature thingy, hard to tell... or maybe we just got a diff way of thinking :P
tmy: SEE??!! guys are shallow!
and they are advised to marry younger girls cuz they are mentally the same age
err... i meant we r adviced to marry younger girls cos of our physical look, not the mental part, in case u havent got it...
tmy: obviously u didn't get the phrase too..
they age too fast, mature too slow...meaning: they only age, nothing else..
Yo i think everyone that read this post left a comment. so there i have to leave a comment too!
I think that chocolate ice cream is way way better then vanila ice cream! and and its even better if it's haagen dazs chocolate ice cream..nyummmm *slurp*... huh.. what... we are not discussing bout ice cream??? woot?? opps sorry..
we shall cont on msn ah fun :P
wow! this is getting heated up. Hehehe. all because of some non-sensical rambling. hehe.
chill people, chill...
I like this post actually. Many ppl have commented so I’m not gonna say much except that this is a great post because I so understand what you mean. I know some female who supposedly my best fren but as soon as the sort of loose interest in me or being rejected couple of times by me, suddenly I don’t hear from them for the longest time ever. Its such a superficial fake friendship huh? A lot of guys are like that too, they go for a female, and act all nice, like a kick ass good fren like that, but if they cant get her, then suddenly refuse to be friends. It’s as though their aim was either I date this girl so I can maybe make out with her or nothing at all. Its funny because when they are going for the girl, they would say many nice things about her but when they cant get her, then they don’t even want to be friends? Its weird because why wont you want someone nice to be your friend? Theres not many nice ppl out there in the first place…
As for being friends with exes, theres nothing wrong with that and like you, I’m friends with most of them because if you were once lovers, then the next obvious thing is to be friends because there is a reason you were lovers in the first place right? But I noticed a trend among my exes that I would only hear from them when they are single or if they have problem with their current bf. Hehehe…
Ooops…just when I said I’m not gonna say much, it turned out I sorta put another long comment…hehe
Doh...i should have turn on my computer last night and join in the fun. Hey Mei, ur comment box is turning into a forum la...hahaha.
HAHAHAHA..*rofl*
a few words from rural:
1. I think I know who you're talking about.. hhhmm... but if it is him.. BLAH him
2. tmy : OLDIE & CHILDISH---> hence, all the self defense *LOL*
3. fun & annoymonous --> agreeing with both your points.. :)
4. leo : your comment is damn funny.. haha..
(Mei, gelati on weekend?)
5. I'll be home TOMOLO!!! YAY!!!! *jumps ard happily*
Its ee laine btw and im good. Ur looking good in the pics. Hold out for the 'one' ok. That dude must be quire dense then if u've aredi said ur 'no' upfront. Ur conscience is clear and good riddance man.
ok,I have more time to comment properly now.. :)
Assuming that its the same him that we are talking about, then, you've just got to be more open minded and forgiving. becoz, i dont think it will get easier at any time soon... its his way of thinking and handling the whole matter that's a problem. If it makes you feel uncomfortable and upsets you, then why not just decline the invitation to dinner/coffee etc?
better that you feel ok rather than trying to work things so that he'll feel better..
on happier note, i'll be back tomolo!We can coffee or gelati or watever on sat for you to vent!! :)
*hugz*
ee laine: I knew it was you :D I am soldiering up for the one. You've known me for a long time, and I hope you see the difference in me too *if you know what i mean*
I am searching for THE ONE, not just one.
And yes, my conscience is clear, so I feel good :) Good to know you're doing good too!
ade who's stuck in rural: Heheheh. First of all, thanks for commenting on my blog although you're so far away. Effort very much appreciated. I think internet access is not readily available there?
Well, yes. Obviously something triggered this emotional upset. Hahah. Will tell you later k?
And seriously, I CBFed trying to fix things already, cause you're right. its his way of thinking and handling the whole matter that's a problem. If he doesn't appreciate me as a friend, then what's the point, rite?
prometeuz: Yeah man, I was quite shocked myself :D But hahaha, better late than never, rite?? :)
Oh gelati on the weekends... since i brought the topic up i MUST me invited k... i'll be waiting for my phone to ring...
.
..
...
....
still waiting....
oh and while we are on that u guys can tell me who 'X' is ;)
not that im kepoh or anything
ade who's still stuck at rural: i'm stuck at melb, had viet yesterday for dinner, muahahahahaha.
opps my english suks..
i mean...
you guys MUST invite me
For failed lovers to become friends again, both sides MUST clearly understand that they are no longer romantically involved and must resist the temptation to do things lover do for each other, like sacrificing time for one another.
Will take time and a lot of maturity from each other and each other's new lover.
My dear.. go read the Ladder Theory.
www.laddertheory.com
Anyway.. so you claim that all your exes and failed loves wanna be your friends? Do they really? do the ultimate test - kiss them. Then, Would they say:
1. No, lets not do this, as this will ruin our beautiful friendship.
2. Kiss you back?
Wake up and smell the coffee.
dailymuscle: I've read the ladder theory before, thank you very much.
And I did not claim that ALL my ex-es wanna be my friends. I said most of them are my friends. Even close friends.
And trust me, the kissing him thing... I can prove you wrong. Or perhaps, maybe he's just one in a million. I don't know about the general population.
And thanks for dropping by :)
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