Yes, I kinda miss them already. Maybe it's the fact that I've been doing some thinking, and I couldn't help but realise that things are going to be different next year. Ming Yen and Yong Shen will not be around us anymore, although technically, they'll still be in Australia.
And Chee Yoong will be living somewhere in the North-Eastern suburbs I assume, whereas the girls (Ade, Kaz and I) will be in the Eastern suburbs. I can just imagine the group slowly drifting apart. But I guess that's inevitable when we all start working, and have less time for everyone else. And even when we have ample time and feel like a catch-up, the shift work will make things difficult for us.
Dang, I realise I got carried away with the sappy talk.... so anyway... we had dinner at Ming Yen's "most favourite-est" place in Melbourne, and then went out for a drink to catch up. Quite abit has happened over the past weeks and we all had heaps to update each other.
Yong Shen, Ade, Kaz, Mei & Chee Yoong @ Hot Chocolate, Bluefire Grill, Melbourne Central.
It's scary how everyone is making plans for themselves, during this transitional phase of our lives. Buying a new car, moving out to a new place, starting a new job, settling down for good/returning home... and suddenly, it hit me how little I thought about it all. How much I always leave things to fate. How I always travel with the wind, and let things be.
But now, I am no longer 18. No longer at that stage in my life where all I cared about was to have fun! I need to start planning for a future. It's embarassing how I never had any concrete plan for myself... I am a thinker, I think alot about my future, and envision myself to be somewhere... but I've never been a planner... an executer, to work towards those things.
Mei pushing and squashing CheeYoong to sit closer to TMY. Ade nudging TMY to move closer to Chee Yoong. Hahaha. We didn't want the photo to end up looking like 2 couples, instead of 4 friends... so we had to make them sit closer to each other. But they thought it was gay for them to be of such close proximity. Hehehehehe.
It's embarassing how I do not have any savings, any investments, any 'guarantee' for my future. No house/property, no car, NOT even a driver's license! It used to be funny how my friends would always tease me for not having a license, cause I never had the need to, how I always get driven by people around me like a princess and all. But at this stage in life, it's no longer funny. It's shameful how I've always depended on people around me. What if one day, I no longer have someone, anyone...?
It really got me thinking, that.. at the end of the day, all I have is... myself. It's true! My partner will statistically die before me *yes, women tend to live longer* and I'll have to live the last days of my life, alone... Old, wrinkled, fragile, sad and alone... How freaking scary is that thought?! Dang!!! It's not uncommon for old ladies to be found in their bathrooms, days later... after they've slipped and sustained a fall, a fractured hip, and nobody's at home to realise that. I don't ever wanna be that lady :(
Sheesh, I got carried away again! Something's up with my stupid mind today. I can't seem to control it wandering all over. Hehehehee. I'm sorry this is one tangential entry. **Hmm, maybe I have some psychiatric disorder I don't know about** But essentially, what I wanna say is, I appreciate having you people around me! Every single one of you. Do keep in touch no matter how busy we'll get... I realise things will never remain exactly the same forever. We might not do weekly dinners together, you might not shout me to dinner after you get your first pay check, but be sure to have me on your invitation list for your engagement, your wedding, your first baby shower, your child's birthday party...etc.
OH MY GOSH! I really need to end this entry now. It's starting to sound freaky, how much I think! I shall not scare my friends off! and more so, I should stop scaring myself!!! Hehehe. Maybe he's right. I read too much into too many things. Too many questions in my tiny little head, to always need things figured out. Perhaps, I just need to chill...
7 comments:
*sigh*
A lot's gonna be happening in the next few months, isnt it?
You're not the only one having all those thoughts, so rest assured! :)
there's always going to be too many questions, too little answers.
sometimes the answers don't quite matter, as cliche as it sounds, the journey finding the answers is more important than the answers themselves.
things will constantly be changing, life will never be constant.
Just seize the day and live each day to ur fullest.
It's the new phase of life that has spurred these ponderings....been there..and am still probing in the darkness there..trying to get wind of what matters and what makes me tick
take care dear and enjoy ur last few months of being a student!!
being happy is awesome.
ade: Yeah.. definitely! Sometimes, it feels rather overwhelming.
But we'll be there for one another, and everything's gonna be just fine :D
sl: Thanks for those words! And yes, I'll definitely enjoy my last few months of sleeping in, don't go to the hospital if I don't feel like it, knocking off early...etc.
Cause these days won't last very much longer. :(
navin: You certainly sound happy! ;)
I'm sad & jealous!
Have you forgotten about your girl friends in Malaysia???
=(
Maybe because I hardly speak to you online. Not because I didn't say HI but just sometimes when you are around and I am not, when I am and you are not.
I think I should just take a month or so leave from work and bump at your place in Aust. Then i'll have some impact in your life. LOL!
Or maybe you can intro some good looking, successful, mature thinking Australian man to me and I can just get married and have kids there. We can be neighbours. Bring our kids to the park, have pot luck every now and then. Isn't that cool??!?!?
Now, I am carried away. Hahahaha!!!
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