My sister posted this question: How would you choose? Would you choose to be happy? Or correct? And can you truly be happy knowing that you're wrong, but have chosen to turn a blind eye towards it?
Most people would choose to be happy, of course. But being the rational her she's always been - I know she would choose to be correct. But "correct" is merely a matter of perspective. A matter of which side of the story you heard, or which side of the situation you're a part of. "Correct" is only as correct as you rationalize it to be, by your own standards, in your own head.
I always told myself that it was 'right' that the relationship ended. Because clearly, if we were truly that happy, he wouldn't have looked elsewhere. I can't deny that our relationship had issues. The end of the relationship gave the both of us the time, and opportunity to reflect on things that we did, or did not do. Things we said, did not say, did not have a chance to say, or maybe just did not occur to us to say. The end of the relationship gave us time to process the good, with the bad. It gave us the chance to voice our anger. It is giving us time to wash the anger away. The end of the relationship, gave us a chance to miss each other, believe it or not.
I told myself, as cliche as it may sound to you guys, once the anger is washed away, the truth will come out. If it's meant to be, it will be. If it comes back, then it's yours. If it doesn't, then it never was. Feelings don't lie. Love does not lie. It's us people, who do.
We can do a million things, make up a thousand excuses to rationalize the decisions we make. But as long as there is a sniff of guilt, then you're right - It will always come back and haunt you. And when that day comes, when someone else does to you what you have rationalized to be right in your books previously, I wonder... if it is still going to be right then?
I wonder, if it's all going to be alright...
And that's when we all practise double standards, isn't it? That's when you suddenly catch yourself, being on the other side.
Funny how people say trust is fundamental in a relationship - but my honest question is, do you truly, and fully, trust? Can you??
Good post, Fun - provoked me to think, really!
5 comments:
oh thank kiu thank kiu...
for that was all the questions in my head, of course, without answers..
-fun-
"Feelings don't lie. Love does not lie. It's us people, who do."
Wow Mei, that's amazing. I've been thinking about this lately too, but on a different area (I had someone I know, that I used to be really close to, marry a guy I thought was totally wrong for her. I wasn't even invited to the wedding). I remember back to the last relationship I had, and going through a point where I knew it was over, but I just kept telling myself "It'll work out. Give it time and it'll be okay." Four months later I found myself ending it. (Apparently he wasn't man enough to do so). Sometimes I think we trick ourselves into seeing things that aren't there, and we try to be happy with that. Those four months when I thought I was happy, deep down I knew I really wasn't. I think we try to ignore that sometimes thinking it's just doubt or worry.
Learn to trust your gut, and what you feel deep down. You can be happy only when there is complete trust in a relationship.
You sound like you're doing a lot better, Mei! I'm glad. :)
I love your posts. You always have such flair with words.
Funny: Yeah, we all have multiple questions in our heads sometimes, don't we?
Roxie: I have come to learn that not everything is within my control. I can only control what I can, and the rest is up to God. And I need to learn to accept things in whatever shape or form they are.
Anonymous: Thanks, I don't even proof read my posts. Hope I haven't embarrassed myself.
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