My heart ripped into a thousand little pieces...

Have you ever had this feeling, that you're losing someone / something so dear to you... forever??

And I don't mean breaking up with your boyfriend / girlfriend. Because technically... they are out of your life, but when time heals the wound, you'll realise that you're happy for them because they're happy too... and perhaps some day, you'll be friends. **so in that way, they're still somewhere in your life, and perhaps in your heart**

But what if the person is dying?? What if there's nothing you can do to make it better for him / her / it?? What if they can't even tell you what's wrong with them... or what their final wish is. What happens then? What do you do, what can you do to make things easier for him / her?? What can you do to make things easier for you?? 

My little Remy is sick. He has been unwell for the last couple of days, but we thought it'll pass. But it didn't. It only got worse... Now he's not eating, doesn't really want to drink. All he's doing is passing watery diarrhoea... and sharts. **very disgusting ones** He barely slept at all the whole night. He just looked utterly uncomfortable.

He's sad and ashamed of himself. His tummy's not feeling well, I'm sure. He just hides in a little corner, and doesn't answer to us calling him. He probably feels really lousy, and on top of that, feels dejected or something. 

I'm sure someone with children will understand this. What do you do??? I rang the vet up for an appointment, but the earliest they could give me is 11.45 am. And it was only 8.10 am when I rang them up. I didn't know whether I should wait for 3.5 hours, I didn't know if I could! I started crying to the receptionist... It's not something I usually do, but I just felt so overwhelmingly helpless, and tremendously worried. 

A million thoughts raced through my mind, but it all boils down to one. What if I lost Remy?? The bright sparkly, energy charged star in my life. I couldn't! It's not his time yet! He's only 1.5 year old. We've only celebrated one birthday together... and I've got all these plans to dress him up for Christmas, and was going on and on about how everyone's going to love him! 

Everybody loves him... but nobody will feel the same way, not like how his "mommy" does. I know I'm only being paranoid, and being a doctor, I'm trying to diagnose him and all... but the truth is, I'm no vet... and it's true when people say, you do not view things as objectively when it comes to your family, or the ones you love. 

All I could think of is "Please be okay, Remy"... while looking at his lifeless eyes, as he lays there, tired and weak. 

I. am. truly. worried.... and I can't stop those tears rolling down my cheeks. 

The last picture, taken with Remy over the weekend, when he was well... 

I cannot imagine my life without him. No two doggies will be the same. 

**I know he's probably going to be fine, and I'm just being an overly paranoid mom. But I just need to be certain. I need to know for sure before I can be at ease**