Last Friday, I found out that he's signed an NFR. He insisted eventhough his daughter was persuading him otherwise...
I know that she was hurting, cause there was nothing she could do... and he was hurting too...
It hurts for him to live... it hurts because the prostatic cancer has spreaded everywhere...
We had to withdraw intensive resus because he's refused them.
Two days ago, I saw the letter that said he donated his body to the University of Melbourne in the event of his decease...
and this morning....
this morning, he wasn't breathing... he had no breath sounds, no heart sounds... pupils were obviously fixed and dilated...
and he was cold... hard...
This morning, he left us... to return to God.
At least you're not hurting anymore. We all know that's what you wanted.
**may you rest in peace**
Strangely, I couldn't help the tears from rolling down my cheeks...
7 comments:
NFR? Whta's that?
http://sharonhappymorgue.blogspot.com/
Not sure if ur interested, but it's an old classmate of mine and she loves writing about her work. Thought you two might have a connection because she's very passionate about her work as well, plus she's a newbie like urself :)
I know this sounds awful, but it'll get easier. Cancer patients are a bit touch and go. Some do really well, and some do well then the next day they've suddenly gone downhill. Most of the ones I see usually have come to us as a last resort, like when the NHS has given up on them because they no longer fit into their criteria of a suitable patient. So yeah, usually means a number of them don't make it.
The saddest one so far has got to be this brain tumor patient when I first started. He was very wealthy, and even tho he was dying all his kids could argue and fight about in front of him was who got what after he left.
I think having kids like that is prolly worse than cancer.
Hey Mei...
It's perfectly normal to cry, esp if you knew the pt since he was under your care..
I remembered crying too after watching a pt died, well, it was more traumatising as she went into cardiac arrest & I was there witnessing the drama & trying to help..
I went home thinking about the whole thing, & felt so much for the family as she was a lady in her 40's, leaving her dear Hubby & 2 young girls.
I supposed we all will somehow get sensitized to all these.. I have certified death on many pts esp when we're on-call cause' the interns would have to do it. It's sad, & unforgettable at times.
BUT don't get too emotional, & at least you know he is in a better place with God, pain-free & not suffering in this complicated world...
anonymous: It stands for "Not For Resuscitation"
yerdeh: Oh, I'll check out her blog one of these days :)
Yeah, I know what you mean... but sometimes, you just can't help the tears from flowing. Maybe it's just a sense of selfishness, that you're not ready to let that person go... eventhough you know it's his time, and it's his will...
You know what I mean?? Hehehe...
est: Yeah, you're right... I do wanna be less emotional when handling cases as such, but at the same time... I don't wanna get sensitised to it, for I believe we're only human... and humans are born with emotions.
Yes Mei, I agree too.. we're only human. It's hard not to feel angry, not to feel sad or upset. Hence, PITAs can be so tough to deal with. Although, I believe these ppl will only make us stronger/tougher. we all learnt how to deal with different characters everyday.
Enjoy internship! I have only another 3 1/2 months then I'm done. Going for a few interviews next week. Applied for Paeds =) Praying all goes well. Take care gal, & yes! It feels good spending money knowing we deserve it, hehe *grin*
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