Choices we make

.
I was bored so I went blog surfing, and suddenly, something caught my eye. I don't quite know what exactly it was, but I read the whole entry.
.
It was about making choices. Picking one man over the other. She picked the one that was right beside her, over the one that was miles and miles away. Which seem to be a choice that many will make. The easy way out...
.
But as time goes by, things unfolded... and she realised that she made a mistake. However, you don't really realise the gravity of your mistake until you see them again. To see "him" again.
.
It's really difficult to put into words how I really felt upon reading that entry. For it really spoke my mind, my uncertainty, my fear. Of being home, seeing him again. As the day draws nearer, the thought resurfaces in increased frequency.
.
I am thrilled, crazily excited of going home, but at the same time, I know that I'm gonna be flooded with reminders of him, of what could have been. Countless memories, in too many places. And I'm not quite sure if I'm ready for that. Don't know if I'll ever be.
.
A year ago, we parted and went separate ways. But the thing is, he went a separate way, and I, never really went anywhere... Now that it's time to go back home, I can't help but to realise how much I'm not over this, how much I'm still affected by it all. I was wrong then. I should have been more patient, more understanding. I should have stuck by him, and not be a fair-weathered girlfriend.
.
Good men are rare to find these days. And I, missed out on a really good one.
.
And all I can do now, is to wish that he's happy. Eventhough I might not be part of his happiness. I wish I could be easier on myself, for it's been a long time since. But really, I'm still trying to find it somewhere in me, the ability to forgive myself.
.
And I know that someone might be affected after reading this entry. But all I can say is, "I'm sorry. Truly am." "But really, I'm not good enough for you. I don't deserve you. I tried. Really did. But I can't." You deserve someone who loves you back the same. Being with someone who doesn't love you back, is way lonelier than being alone.
.
Perhaps, I'm destined to be alone. For the mistakes I've made. For all the wrongs in my life. Is this really the consequence I've got to face, for having made those choices? Only time will tell.
.
Someone once told me, "What's meant to be, will be."
.
I know this is a sad post, but I do want to be able to look back years from now. And remember that I once vowed that I'm a changed person. And I wanna do right, I wanna be right. That I am, a new me.
.
Besides, the best things in life, are always worth waiting for, right?