.
I was uncertain and scared before I got back... Not knowing how it's all gonna be when I get home. Not knowing what's to become of us. Afraid that I'll be disappointed, for yes, I am hoping... always have been. Never once, have I given up hope on us.
.
It's been a year since I last saw you. And that sense of familiarity has not changed one bit. Meeting you again really reminded me of our first time out. Our first date. We had Jap as well :)And being the klutz you are, you dropped food on the table too! *hehehe* Those were fun times. Memories are still very fresh in my head. Every little single detail. Everything felt so much the same, yet... too different.
.
I couldn't hold you in my sleep, couldn't hold your hands, couldn't kiss you... as much as I wanted to, still want to. I just can't anymore. But none-the-less, it was certainly great seeing you. Hugging you, and smelling your fragrance, couldn't help but to bring tears to my eyes.
.
As silly as it sounds, I trust that you understand how I feel deep down. For it showed. It showed on your face, the way you spoke to me, that I am still important to you, that I am still loved by you, perhaps in ways that you yourself can't understand, or comprehend.
.
What the future brings, I do not know. But what I do know is... I'm still here. I've not given up one bit. It's stupid, I know... and nobody agrees with my action. But being the stubborn girl that you always knew... nothing nobody says can change my decision.
.
Nothing may ever happen between us, I don't know. But if that's the case, then perhaps I'm destined to grow old alone. Maybe it's the consequence of my actions, for having let go of someone so dear to me. Someone I love so furiously, so endlessly...
.
The answers to your question "why?"
.
I was silly, I was stupid...
I was young, I was lonely,
I was wrong, I was a bad person,
I took things for granted.
I took you for granted.
I took you for granted.
And I, am truly sorry for all the wrong's I've done...
.
But,
I still love you.
And I still do want you.
I am,
right here waiting...
Willing to right the wrongs,
and am willing to use this lifetime,
To find the answer...
.
"Could it have been me all along?"
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Dedicated to someone who doesn't even read this blog.
11 comments:
hugs, if u want him, tell him so..
Cyber-red: He knows. It's just that, the situation is rather complicated, and I don't wanna push him to the edge.
hey there..
i've been in a complicated situation b4 and at times i know theres no chance it would work out but i was too in love with the past and i ended up wasting time feeling sad and pushing good people who came my way...
my advice to you is simple...if u truly love him and you know its worth it, then do all u can to make it work...esp when both sides wants that...
But if u know there is no chance in hell it would work..like my eg would be due to difference in something like religion( it could never change)...then move on and dont look back. Cos if yer holding on somethin that would never work, then yer risking rejecting potential good people that might come ur way...Its not that easy to move on but always remember its possible...i've been soo in love before and i tot then i would never move on but i managed too...and after that you might just meet the true person for you...
Just hangin there...and always pray to god to help you cos if he decide to help you, nothing else in this world can stop it frm happening eventhough how complicated things might be...So remember, just pray and do everythin within ur ability to make it work...if it still doesn't work out, you know theres other guys out there for you...jz dun stop prayin..
all the best :)
that brought tears to my eyes. honestly. i of course will not be able to truly understand the situation that you are currently in...but again, i hope everything'll work out for the best, either way. my parent's advice to me has always been 'give it your all in everything you do, so that even if it doesn't work out, you will have no regrets'...all the best and hope you enjoy your time back here in kl...=)
Rudy: Thanks for those encouraging words. It just feels nice that someone understands. And I've got a sneaky suspicion on who you're talking about. :D
Sooyin: Yeah. exactly! I don't wanna one day, look back and regret that I didnt try my best :D All the "what if's" would have haunted me forever. And I do too believe that, what's meant to be, will be... but that doesn't mean you don't have to work towards it. Thanks gal, and I certainly hope you're in a better situation than I am :D Bet he's great, from what I read.
if u want him then go get him! BTW merry christmas to you & your family!
Mary Christ-mass
Wuching: It ain't that easy. But i'm not giving up :D And yes, merry christmas to you too!!!
Kwang: Yeaps! Mewwy Chwistmassss to you! :D
i totally understand your feeling coz i used to have the exact same feeling as you. holding on to the past, and hoping he'll come back to me. everyone asked me to move on but how can i? especially when i know he still care for me deep inside. he said i'm so much better compared to her. he said he's so much happier with me. but why did he still choose her? he replied coz she needs him more than i do and he knows i'm capable of taking care of myself. i try to hate him for doing this to me. but the more i try, the more i realised my love for him.
then one night, i finally make the toughest decision in my life. i decided to let him go. the only way for that is to cut him off my life completely. if i really love him so much, i should be happy for him and respect his damn decision. i did it. it has been 2 years now. i feel much happier as i manage to open up my heart to my current bf.
mei, you must be tough. make your decision now and stick with it. you'll be a happier person. if he really loves you enough, he wouldn't leave you alone in the dark. open up your heart to others. trust me, you'll be a happier person.
take care.
Kae: Sorry for the late reply, as I did not realise I've got a comment on such an old post. But really, thanks for sharing. It's great knowing that someone understands how I feel. And really, thanks heaps for trying to make me a happier person. Very much appreciated! :D
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