A friend of mine posed a question for me, which left me dumbfounded, for I could not offer her an answer, or a solution to her situation. All I could do, was to be a pair of listening ears, and offer my shoulder for her to cry on.
It got me thinking, that girls and guys REALLY are genetically engineered differently. Perhaps it's God's way to spice up our lives... or really, is it only meant to mess us up??
Can sex really be just sex? Could it ever be entirely free-of-emotions? I'm sure some guys out there would definitely answer "yes" to that question... but to most girls (I'm generalising here), there's always a sense of emotional attachment. And if that's the case, when is having sex purely having sex, and when does it cross the line and become making love??? Or are they both truly inseparable? Indistinguishable?
This girl, XX has been seeing this guy XY on a very casual basis. No strings attached kinda relationship - no fuss, no commitment. You get the drift yea? It was agreed upon the both of them that it was purely sexual. It's the standard "She has needs, I have needs" line. XX always said that she's okay with that, and it's what she's always wanted, because she did not want to be tied down, and XY was obviously not ready for commitments of any sort.
But as time goes by, XX couldn't help, but got emotionally attached to XY. She denied having any feelings for him, but she would be upset and affected if he didn't call, or if he was out with someone else. If she's truly fine with their 'arrangement', then she shouldn't be affected at all, no? But I guess at the end of the day, we're only creatures of habit, with emotions. Which brings me back to the question, "Can sex really exist without emotions?" What do you reckon?
My answer is "No". But I guess, I can't impose my thinking on her, and I can't force her to do something she doesn't want. She doesn't want to let go, even after knowing that the guy clearly doesn't feel for her the way she feels for him. She just doesn't want to let go... she can't let go.
I can only hope that she'll be alrite... Girl, you deserve better... *hugz*
18 comments:
Interesting read! Never really had the guts to ask a girl that.
Personally, I'd say no too. I'm not sure if *any* my guy friends would agree with me, but I just wouldn't be into it without the emotions...or would want it.
*disclaimer: I am still a virgin ^_^v
ps: I stopped using blogger a long time ago, if you wanna read my stuff, you can get it at http://victor-gan.livejournal.com/
victor: I guess it depends on the culture as well...
Yea, my personal answer would be no as well, but some people would beg to differ i reckon.
I think it could be a cultural thing. A good academic research topic.
benkaiser: Yeah, I agree it's very much culture :)
You can do the research, and feed me with the answer k? :P tee hee hee.
i think it's very hard to separate sex and emotions. for guys it could be part of nature. but for girls it has to be a very conscious effort (ie. keep telling urself it's JUST that, no more)
so yeah, it's possible for a short term, but in long run the feelings r going to grow. we just can't help it.
kelly: And that's exactly what happened to her. And now, she can't get out of it, or rather, she doesn't want to :( sigh... I dunno.
Haha I would love to do it but I am no authority in this field. But from casual observation it could be very likely a cultural thing. For example, Chinese-Malaysians are more conservative than our brothers and sisters in Greater China or even our cousins in Japan and Korea. I beleive the media plays a role in sexual liberation of East-Asians. Too much to talk about it here. Maybe I would blog on it to further widen the topic. :p
ur friend definitely deserves better.
Hugs for her :)
I stumbled across your blog via Sui Lin only to realize that you know Chee Wei too!
He showed me some photos you guys took in Melb and when I saw your blog I kept thinking you are so familiar!
Such a small world....
So here I am leaving a note saying hi
:)
benkaiser: Hehehe, when you do blog about it, just holler for a read ;)
john vain: Everyone's different, of course. I was merely generalising :)
shanice: Aww, that's nice of you.
And I saw the ~CPA CPA~ video clip, so darn funny man! I couldn't stop laughing cause it was so lame.
HI Sass! :D
Yes, it's a very small world indeed! Everyone is connected to everyone in some ways!
I went back last summer, and bumped into S.Lynn, thinking she looks soooo very famliar, only to realise cuz she's always in the pics that SuiLin post on her blog! Hehehe.
Thanks for dropping by! Hope to meet u in person some time. And when you do see me, do say hello k?? **i can't cause u made ur blog private**
well, it was her choice...
i guess it can be hard to draw the line btw sex and emotions...
p/s: THAT CPA clip is INDEPENDENT from the CPA I'm taking...lol...need to stay away from them, don't wanna be associated to them in any way...
they are an embarrassing bunch
fun: yes yes, i know they are HK's - certified public accountants. hehehehe.
but you've got to admit it was pretty funny! jon and i couldn't stop laughing when we saw it!
girls r emo creatures, they always get attached eventho they want to be casual but something inside them switch on & they become attached, too late, start getting emo, too bad, guy doesn't feel the same, loosing end is where they always end up!
wuching: Yeaps, that's exactly it!
It's different if it's a one night stand, but when it's on a regular basis, all the buttons that they didn't wanna push, will get pushed.
You're right.
Guys (and girls) who say that sex devoid of emotions is achievable only lie to themselves and others. We are not machines. Sex is an act between a man and a woman given by God himself to nurture within a marriage. It is to provide pleasure and be the foundation of family building. sadly we trivialize this act. No wonder we feel empty.
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