It's as if God's sending me a sign, or really... is it just my subconscious trying to remind me of my rights and wrongs, hoping that I could correct my wrongs, move on and live my life the way I should. The way we're all meant to... to the fullest, and without regrets.
I was a girl who craved for excitement when I was younger. A girl who thought she could do things she wants, and not suffer the consequences. That everyone will forgive her, because they love her. That everyone will give her a second chance. Basically, I had everything I wanted, without having to strive hard for them.
But somewhere along the way, she learnt her lesson by paying a dear price for it. She lost someone dear to her, because she hurt him in a way that was too much for anyone to bear. And nobody should have to. She made him cry for weeks in silence, because of her own selfishness. For not having thought about "them" enough. For not putting enough love and consideration into the relationship.
It was then she realised that it was really over between them. That she had the hearts to do something that would hurt the person she loved, so deeply. How could she? She hated herself. She even hated the temptation. She had shut herself off from all her friends, because she knew she couldn't face them. She locked herself in the room, and cried for months. But she knew that all the crying in the world, would not make his wound heal any quicker. Nothing she does now, will make his pain go away...
That was when she realised she's lost him for good.
5 years down the road, she still dreams about it. For she still feels guilty and responsible for it.
Yes, of course she's learnt her lesson. Yes, he's forgiven her and they are still good friends now. Yes, she's found someone and is more than happy with him... Yes, she's learnt from this life experience, and will cherish what she has now, dearly... very very dearly. Looking back, that way the turning point in her life, where she grew from an inconsiderate girl, to an adult.
There's nothing more she could ask for. He parted with many words of wisdom, and knew she could see through the bleak clouds one day, and someday find her sunshine again. To find someone who loves her, and deserves to be loved back unconditionally. Someone that will give her his time, and puts her on the top of his priority list. Someone who would come home at the end of the day, and have dinner at home with her. Someone who could give her a normal life.
And for that, she's ever so thankful. That he was selfless, to let her go, because he knew that he couldn't provide that. Not because he didn't love me, but because he did.
But in her subconscious, the fact remains that there is always a scar where his heart used to be, and she'll always be that knife. Is it really true that time heals all wounds? If so, then why do I still feel so bad when I think about it?
But I suppose everything happens for a reason. If I didn't have that yesterday, I wouldn't be the person I am today.
3 comments:
very well written, although i find it rather surprising that you wrote about it..
And I don't think it is really possible to live a life without regrets...just a matter of how many..
But indeed, we are who we are because of our past.
well said, too darn well said.
it's only through moments like those that makes life really worth living after, yea?
wish all girls tot of tat?
guys too for that matter
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