This is the first time ever, that I'm blogging from the hospital. My most relaxed weekend cover ever! **keeping my fingers and toes crossed that it'll stay that way**. Haven't had too many pages as yet, and most of my own patients are pretty stable :)
Despite the calamity, my heart is still racing, and my emotions weirder than ever... not because of the patients' medical issues, but rather... my conflicting self. I don't quite know what it is, and I can't pinpoint it to a discrete cause... but I know there's something. Just... something.
Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night, with this strange feeling of your heart being tied in knots? It's not anger... it's not hatred nor vengeance. It's not anything I can put into words. Perhaps, it's a subconscious battle between my body, and my mind... about what I wanna do, and what I truly want... for myself, my happiness.
Anyway, I'm just rambling here... and I still can't quite describe what it is... and perhaps, I never will... only time will tell.
I only hope that this is not the calm before the storm. I am not quite prepared for that shocking awakening...
6 comments:
My dear, it's your instinct talking to you. I once had that kinda feeling too and it did not bring me to anyway good. It wasn't a nice feeling to live with either. More of you trying hard to suppress the anxiety.
Follow and should I say, trust your instinct. Take care!
Just curious whether it was a struggle between what you really want to do and what you're currently doing? =P
As for myself I am quite jaded with becoming a doctor even though i haven't graduated! It is just not what i expected, the system is too rigid and COLD....and this little voice is telling me to pursue my other goals and dreams and give up medicine, and my mind and heart are telling me to stick to it til the end..or at least til i'm a specialist....
Good luck with the awakening! =)
Mei, I know how U feel, as I have been feeling this way for sometime now myself. Remember once I was complaining about being a wee bit jaded with my career? I was complaining about a patient of mine & someone was asking me to leave the job! =P haha...
Anyways, it took me sometime to just have a stronger sense of what I want, what my heart is telling me..I love Medicine, and above all, I love the job. However, somehow, I know I won't be doing this forever, as I have other things in mind. And I have made up my mind so far in achieving that dream eventually...
Anyhow, may U really know & discover what U truly want in life, and at times, it will take a while before U really know. Take care girl!
hor! bludging at work! i can hear your patients screaming for more pain killers!
dude, i just finished a book about little goblins that take you away in the middle of the night and morph into you and live ur life. nothing to do with u, but for some reason ur post just reminded me of the story and freaked me out!
hehe, hyperactive imagination. dun mind me...
Hello..
It has been sometime since I left any comments..
You know, I actually know exactly how u are feeling, cuz I am feeling exactly the same way...
and I'm sure you know why...
There are just times where we would have to do what's best for us, rather than what's enjoyable...
And me? I'm hoping that one day, I would be able to do something that I'm passionate about...
=)
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