The Girl Within Me, Inside Me

Loved and Lost

2012-01-26T22:01:00.002+11:00

Kidney bean, I miss you...

Mrs Lee

2011-11-26T18:16:00.000+11:00

Time certainly has flown.... It's been two months since my last post~! *gasps*
I am still alive, I promise.

As you might know, I've been really busy. Barely have time to breathe... what more to blog!

But with the two weddings over, I am back in Melbourne... resuming life...
As. Mrs. Lee :)

So this is my first post, as my new self (yet still the same me!)

Hello there~! :))

Hope you guys have been well.

Will attempt to blog more regularly once things settle down... and we resume our routines.

Much love,

Mei

6 years

2011-09-28T00:23:00.000+10:00

I almost forgot I had this space...
Without realising it, I have been blogging for 6 years now.
I know I haven't been the most diligent in penning down my thoughts recently.
It's just that, some days, I feel like I hardly have time to fill my tummy,
or just sit down and have a cuppa.

But today, over dinner with some friends,
Jon reminded me that I was once a 'popular blogger'.
OMG~! I can't believe that he even remembers that.
That all seems ages ago.
Those were the days when I used to blog almost everyday,
and had traffic to my blog, and followers leaving comments.
Gone are those days...

But what he really reminded me is that,
I will always have this little safe space,
for me to vent my frustrations,
for me to voice my emotions when I can't,
for me to pen down my thoughts....

So that in time to come,
on a day such as this,
I can read back on all my old posts,
and reminisce...
Some posts still echo in my heart.
Some still sting to the core,
And some, warm my soul and carve a smile on my face.

Reflect...
On all the good times, and bad.
The ups and downs on my roller coaster ride of life...

To remind myself, to continue writing.

Not for him, or her, or them...
But for me.

The day I lost my good friend, or perhaps... gained one.

2011-09-17T00:32:00.000+10:00

I am on my run of night shift again. Sigh, the dreaded time of the month... a whole week of being on night duty, and sleeping during the day. A whole week of social isolation. The only thing to look forward to during this time, is of course.... the week off following the run of nights~! :) 6 down, 1 to go.... wheeeeeee~!

But that morning, I got an SMS from a good friend of mine, saying
" I got a training spot :) but it's in Sydney :( "

Took me awhile to register what that was about, because I was in the middle of my dream in lala-land when my phone beeped. And then I realised that my good friend got a position in the training program of her choice, after having a rather disappointing time. She had made some difficult, life changing decisions following the initial outcome. Some really brave decisions, I thought. I don't know if I would have the courage to do the same if I were in her shoes.

Ecstatic seeing the SMS, I immediately replied, asking " This is an exciting big step for you! You going? Whereabouts? Is XX relocating with you??"

Although only half awake, I had 20 million questions for her! I had so many things I wanted to know... How did she hear about the news the second time round? How is she feeling? What is she gonna do? When is she leaving etc??

But it was only the day that I felt that, I was losing a good friend of mine... to the state of NSW :(

We went through med school together.
Did our internship together.
Went to our first country rotation together.
Went on trips together.
Decided to get into the same specialty.
Did our specialty diploma exams together.
Went for our training interview together...
And now, she will finally be in the same training program as me! :)
Together.... but not quite.

It's like... so close, yet so far...

I couldn't help but feel a sense of loss. This good friend of mine, will no longer be "just around the corner".
I will not be able to ring her on a random day and go "Hey~! Whatcha doing? Let's go have lunch!"
"Hey, where are you? Come help me choose my wedding gown".

I will no longer have my pillar of strength. The person who drove all the way to my house, and brought me food when I was at my lowest. When I went through a rough patch with Jon, and felt like life wasn't worth living - she was there.

She was there for me when I didn't believe in myself. She was there for me to share the joy when I got accepted into training. She was there to share my joy when I got engaged. She was.... always there! Always have been.

That day that she told me she was taking up the position, and will be leaving the state, was the day that I felt like I've lost a good friend...

But then I sat down and got to thinking,

That I haven't actually lost her.

Because I'm truly happy for her.

I am happy that this position came to her after the intial disappointment. I am happy that she finally got what she deserves after having worked hard for it! I am happy that she has a supportive partner who is willing to move across the globe to be with her, to support her.

I am happy that she will have this opportunity to start a new life, and build a new home with him. I am excited for her, to embark in this adventure into the land of the unfamiliar.

Short term pain, for long term gain, my dear...

Ironically, it was only then... that I realised, that I haven't lost a friend, I have indeed gained one. Because I realised that I truly care about her, as a good friend.

And I guess, what I wanna say is that, no matter what decision she makes, I will be there for her, to support her every step of the way. We may not be able to just 'hang' on our off days, but I will always be there.

After all, I am only a phone call away, and if we're very lucky.... an hour plane ride on a $50 discount ticket.
:)

"Just follow your heart dear. There is no right or wrong decisions in the matter."

Countdown

2011-09-16T23:53:00.002+10:00

6 weeks to go and counting~!!!
Crank the heat up, baybehhh...

Not all that reflects is glass

2011-08-15T01:11:00.000+10:00

Tonight, as the night stars shine,
As I drown out the echoes from work,
The night appeared still, and knowing.
The silence... thought provoking.

I took this time alone at home...
To reflect on my life,
where I was a year ago,
and how far I have come since.

I learn that my past have made me strong.
I learn that everything happens for a reason.
I learn that from the bad, there is always something good.
That despite my weaknesses, I still have strength within,
That despite all my wrongs, I have done something right.
That despite all the darkness, I found a glimmer of light.

But most importantly,
I learnt the gift of giving...
Not only to others, but also to myself.
The gift of forgiveness.

Tonight, I told myself,
"It really doesn't matter if the person who hurt you deserves to be forgiven.
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself."

And just like that,
I found peace within me...
Knowing that I still have so much to give.

Swooninggg

2011-07-14T21:43:00.000+10:00

Why wasn't this out yet when I bought my Speedy??

I am loving the long shoulder strap on the new Speedy Bandoulière :)

Gives it such versatility~! And it's spacious in the bag too for practicality...

The only problem is, if I get it... I'll have too many bags that look similar... sigh.

Can't believe it only took them sooooo long to design this though~!

Oh well....

Just 'looking'. Can't afford to buy anything this year anyway, until the wedding's over...

Can't. Blow. The. Budget.

But oohhh, ain't it just so pretty??

Thanks

2011-07-13T01:30:00.001+10:00

Sometimes, the smallest act of kindness and love, could mean the world to the person on the receiving end. After all. Life isn't about doing huge extraordinary things, but it's about doing little ordinary things everyday, extraordinarily...

Well, it was just another day for me. Been doing quite alot of planning and stuff recently because of the wedding, but really, most of the other things were pretty routine. Did the laundry, made dinner, and after that... Was just sitting in front of the tele, chilling and eating some cherries.

Out of the blue, he mentioned "You're the best. You're amazing".

That really caught me off guard that I went "huh??"

And he repeated himself, saying "You're amazing baby".

AaWwwWw... I was touched. I guess it was because I didn't feel like I was doing anything extra nice, or extra special today. It was just another ordinary day for me...

But I guess, the little things I did made it just abit more extraordinary for him... And him showing his appreciation when I least expected it, just made it a tad more extraordinary for me.

Thank you papa bear. You're the best too! *muah*

Million Paws Walk 2011

2011-07-11T23:16:00.003+10:00

We were at Albert Park a couple of weeks ago (actually, it's almost 2 months now!) for the annual RSPCA Million Paws Walk.

Since I had the weekend off this year, I decided to give it a go, since my friends have always raved about it! And besides, it's a walk for a good cause anyway...

I invited Steph & Wilmund to join us... The more the merrier they say! I actually invited Kit and Nam as well since they just got themselves a puppy - but Kit pulled out last minute, fearing that her new puppy might be overwhelmed with the amount of people and doggies there!

Fair enough, there were soooo many doggies there, it was pretty havoc! But surprisingly, when the walk commenced, it slowly became organised chaos. Everyone was walking the same direction, and most owners controlled their dogs really well. They were all very well behaved, I have to admit...

I was very impressed!

Not only with the organisation, but also because my little Remy actually managed to complete the whole 5 km's without fainting or falling over! Hahahhaa.

Pic above: 4km down, 1 more to go boy!! Mommy's sooo proud of you! My little boy posing with grandma and granddad :)

See the crowd behind us?? It was a pretty cold morning to start with, but then the sun came out to play. It was quite a beautiful day at Albert Park. The sun was shining, the sky was clear blue, the doggies happily walking, there were people sailing... Basically, everyone was enjoying :)

Cute Steph with her gumboots~! One of the smartest decisions ever!! I soooo should have wore mine too! But I thought I'd be more comfortable in my Ugg boots! But she was so much more clever!! Prevented herself from getting dirty with all the mud and stuff...

And her doggy, Coffee - was still so energetic!!

My Remy did so well too!! Look at his smiley face! He was thoroughly enjoying himself! Hahaha...
My sister said his hands and feet looked really muddy! And then Jon teased her and said "I didn't know Remy had hands and feet?" Hahahhahaah....

I guess sometimes, we forget that he's a doggy, because he's our son, and so much a part of the family.

Remy, I know this is a little late, but mommy just wanted to let you know that she's really proud of you! *hearts*

Bersih 2.0 Rally

2011-07-10T22:48:00.001+10:00

Those of you who know me, knows that I don't like to meddle in politics. International, national, or merely at the work place. I know I haven't really been home for many years... and being away, I don't actually read the local papers online like my sister does... And quite honestly, I have always been one of those people who didn't really care - so long it didn't affect me. Selfish is what some people call it.

I know I'm not the only one, but I am ashamed to say that I have never registered to vote in my home country. I always had excuses like "What difference does one vote make anyway?" "It's too hard! I've never been in Malaysia long enough since I turned 21(legal age)". "What paperwork is involved anyway??". "I'm not really in the country, so how would it affect me?"

Right??
WRONG!!

Seeing all the photos and write up in the media really saddened me. More than I would have imagined, really. As I read those posts, and looked at those photos from the Bersih 2.0 Rally on 9/7/11, tears started to roll down my cheeks.

I am unsure of this emotion I'm feeling. Partially sad that the people of Malaysia was so ill treated by the police force - the body that was supposed to protect the people, were harming them instead.

Partially ashamed that I have not been doing my part for so many years, watching my country sink into the depth of discrimination and corruption. Ashamed that I never really cared enough, for I had an escape route. That I was fortunate enough to have parents who worked hard, who could afford to send me away from the ugliness of it all, so I could have my chance at a free and fair life.

But a part of me, was also proud. Proud that there are so many Malaysians out there, who were well aware that they could be arrested, but still risked their health and life - to rally for a cause they believe in. Not to change the world in a day, but merely to be heard. To be made aware that the people are not happy, and are wanting an explanation, a solution for an ongoing, worsening problem.

I think we've all had enough.
Enough of corrupted politicians.
Enough of ignorant leaders, who really need to wake up and smell reality!
Enough of biased, government controlled media who doesnt report the whole truth.
Enough of authorities trying to use violence to induce fear in the 'rakyat'.
Enough of leaders sitting on their high horses, while the country is experiencing the biggest brain drain ever...

I've had enough of sitting around,
making up excuses why I can't do something.
Enough of turning a blind eye on the whole situation.

I may not live in Malaysia,
but I am still Malaysian...
and perhaps, this is my wake up call to play my part,
and do something for my country for once.

I know I'm not the only one...
I am sure this rally has touched Malaysians all around the world.
There were many Malaysians, living abroad, who were also decked in yellow -
gathered all around the world to support their fellow Malaysians from afar.
Perhaps, it is YOUR time to do something too?
To feel somewhat proud to be a Malaysian?

"Ask not what your country has done for you, but what you can do for your country"

ps: I am not usually the patriotic kind, but this has inspired me. Are YOU registered to vote??

Wedding Prep Frenzy

2011-06-28T12:44:00.000+10:00

Hello all,

I am actually blogging from my iPhone at the moment. My car is being serviced so I am roaming the streets aimlessly while trying to plan a wedding and attempt multi-tasking.

The last few weeks have been a little frantic. Been working 9 night in a row, and they are 13 hours nights too! Felt like I was gonna die at the end. I was sooo over it! 
And on my days off, have been trying hard to sort out wedding stuff.

As you guys know, I am not really the bridezilla kind. I have just kinda let things slide, hoping they will slowly fall into place by themselves. But asthe day draws closer, I can't help but start to freak out!

Thank God I found a photographer for my KL wedding! Was such a pain looking for the one as they are mostly booked out, or I don't quite like their work. Paid for my wedding dress, finalizing the invitation designs, and have got an appointment with the cake maker in a fortnight. Phew~!

Now all I need to do is actually find our wedding bands!! And in between, study for a few O&G courses... OMG!! I need more time in a day!

So Touching

2011-06-14T22:15:00.002+10:00

As you guys may have known, I spent some time working in NICU last year. 2010 was a big year for me, in more ways than one - both career and personal life.

Working in NICU has changed my perception on certain things in life. Training in Obstetrics and Gynaecology - we sometimes take for granted the long term consequences of some of the babies born, because we simply don't see them long enough to know what happens to them. Not unless you get slapped with a lawsuit several years down the road, that's when you realised something happened to that baby. Otherwise, most times, we assume that everyone's happy after the birth of a baby.

But being in NICU is a different story. You see the smallest, sickest babies around. You sometimes wonder, is it worth continuing all these aggressive treatment? Is he / she going to have a good quality of life in the future? Will he / she live to see another day?

But being there, you foster relationships with some of your long term babies. You get close to their parents, whether you realise it or not. And seeing their little baby finally go home, after not having given up on a tremendously difficult battle, is one of the most amazing feelings ever!

This is a fine example of one of my personal stories.

Tatum & Paul

Tatum and Paul Mitchell's wedding day tinged with sadness

Paul Mitchell with his son Tobey before marrying Tatum. Picture: Fiona Hamilton Source: Herald Sun

Tatum Mitchell was hoping to have Tobey at her wedding. Picture: Fiona Hamilton Source: Herald Sun

IT was a painfully poignant moment when this young Victorian couple had to tie the knot without their sick son.

One of the biggest days of Tatum and Paul Mitchell's lives was filled with a touch of sadness because they were unable to share it with their two beautiful boys.

Their first born, Zachary, passed away when he was just 12 days old.

Second son Tobey, who has not left hospital since he was born premature last May, also was unable to witness the wedding ceremony.

The little boy has tracheobronchomalacia, or floppy airways, and his parents were worried that his weak immune system would put him at risk of picking up an infection.
But nothing could stop them doing everything in their power to make their precious baby boy part of their special day.

The pair made separate visits to the 13-month-old baby's bedside at Monash Children's Newborn Services yesterday morning to ensure that they kept to the tradition of the groom not seeing the bride in her wedding gown.

Tobey was dressed in a pint-sized tuxedo.

Hidden beneath his suit, was a pair of Hawthorn footy socks, courtesy of the husband-to-be.
When the bride walked down the hospital aisle, it was one of the first things she noticed.

"I packed his Essendon socks," she exclaimed.

The couple took turns holding their little boy close to their chests.

"I can't believe it, we are getting married and he's not going to be there," Mrs Mitchell said.

"He's our little boy and he should be there, but he can't be, so we'll bring the wedding to him."

A necklace featuring two butterflies was hung around her neck to symbolise the presence of her two beautiful sons.

"Zachary is watching over Tobey, and Tatum has them with her on her special day," her mother, Charmaine Michael said.

Even Tobey joined in on the action, clapping his hands.

In a bittersweet twist, Tobey will finally be discharged from hospital this week.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tatum gave me the news, alongside a big hug the other day. I was ecstatic for her! Finally tying the knot after such a trying time...

And seeing her so happy, so elegantly beautiful in her wedding dress, just confirmed my affirmations that they are indeed, beautiful both on the outside, and inside. It's like... Cinderella's dream is finally going to come true.

Where there is joy, there is sorrow

2011-06-01T18:07:00.000+10:00

They say that God is fair in all ways.
When He gives you something, He takes away something from you.
Today was certainly a tough day at work.
Interesting is a very optimistic way of putting it, I'd say.
My day started really well, as I performed my first laparoscopic ovarian cystectomy.
Yes, as the primary surgeon :)

But then, things took a downturn from then on.

The other week, I had someone name her baby after me :)

Today, the team at work lost a baby to God.
The paediatrics team performed CPR on the baby for more than half an hour,
Then wheeled the mom, who just woke up from general anaesthetics,
and the rest of the immediate family to be in the room,
Before they finally decided to cease resuscitation and withdraw treatment.

It was a sad, sad day, filled with many teary eyes.

I know I have seen much worse,
but it doesn't make it any easier.

I just have to face the fact that,
while my job is rewarding, and most times, it's happy and joyous,
There will be sad times as well.
As the world goes round,
and like they said... What goes up, must come down.

As sad as it was for me, I can't imagine how it would be for the parents.

May they stay strong, and help each other through this tough time.

Why I love my job :)

2011-05-28T20:21:00.000+10:00

My fiance thinks I work like a machine...
I get home at 9pm after a long day at labour ward, have dinner, and snug into bed.
And then I'm up again by 5.30 - 6am the next day, for a full day in theatre.
It's exhausting, I admit...

But the learning experience is so awesome.
Everytime you get to do something different, something new...
Something rewarding...

Just the other day,
One of the most amazing things happened to me.

One of my patients thanked me for delivering her baby girl.
She had a successful vaginal birth after having a caesarean section in the past!

And the best part was...
She named her baby girl after me~!!!

Best. thank. you. gift. EVER!

And that, is only one of the reasons why I love my job.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Slacker~!!

2011-05-20T13:32:00.000+10:00

I have been way too slack with my blog, but that's only because I've been busy with my life :P
Yeah, what a good excuse, right? hehehe.

Dad's been on my back a little about wedding planning, and how slow I'm going :P Well, most of the big stuff are ready anyway. It's about time to get our wedding invitations done though. Sigh... and the ultimate wedding bands hunting!

Well, May has been pretty much a busy busy time for me. From attending surgical courses, to family gatherings, to catching up with friends...

We went to Tao Tao House for Mother's Day Dinner. Tao Tao House is owned by Jon's high school friend and his dad - who used to work as the dumpling chef in Flower Drum.

They have been getting some pretty good reviews in The Age - so we decided to try it out the other day, also to give Jon the opportunity to say hello to Eric, and of course, to congratulate him on his success!

Food was super yummy, and the dumplings were to die for. Soft, silky skin... YUMS~! Nothing short of my expectation.

Uncle Peter was saying how lucky he is, to be able to tag along for these yummy meals. First Yarra Vallley for aunty's birthday, and now another meal for Mother's Day.

Of course we weren't just gonna leave you out! Silly...

The week after, Xian Lee graced us with his presence from Brisbane. Think he was on his week off or something, that he decided to drop by and explore Melbourne a little. But too bad though, he was here on a bad week. He was greeted by the highly unpredictable Melbourne weather, and all he got all week, was rain and wind :(

So, out goes the window his plans to go sight-seeing and stuff.

But that provided us with the opportunity to catch up over warm cups of coffee, and nice cozy dinners though. Hehehe.

He was also giving us an update on the special girl in his life at the moment :) NICE~! Good to see him happy.

I brought Xian Lee along to our BBGS catch up brunch as well. Went to our regular hang out, Snow Pony in Balwyn. Gotta love their breakfast menu there! Super yums!! Caught up with my favourite girls, both recently married :) Hehehe. Good to have someone who can give me tips, you know? :P

The three musketeers from the previous night, reunited again ;) This time, rise and shine, bright and early for brunch. (Those who know me, knows that I'm not a morning person!)

Was so good catching up with Kit, hearing her Europe escapade stories~! Oh how I would love to take time off to travel the world.... but still have my bank account topped up! Taking time off is such a scary thought, because no matter how much savings you have, seeing your bank account amount dwindle by the month, is really quite a nerve wrecking thing! I only lasted 3 months, before I felt like I needed to go back to work again.

Guess it's also because I'm subconsciously 'kiasu'. Seeing all my friends getting into specialty programs, and sitting for exams, made me feel a little left out. So yups, back to work I went... sigh. Looking back now, I wish I had taken a longer time off, just for myself... because you just don't know when you will have the courage to do it again!

Anyways, I digress.... haha.

You know winter's just around the corner when everyone's dressed in grey and black! In my defence though, I was wearing green. It was only my scarf that was grey and black. But hey, gotta love this photo of my girls - all colour-coordinated! :)

Till next post, take good care and stay warm peeps!

More photos to come from the Million Paws Walk. Whee~!!!

Yarra Valley Day Trip

2011-05-03T15:31:00.001+10:00

We planned to make a trip to Yarra Valley over the Easter long weekend for a little getaway. Seems like the whole of Melbourne was heading that way too! OMG! The city and suburban roads were completely empty, but there was a jam heading to Yarra Valley!! I almost couldn't believe my eyes! It was busier than the ski season. Almost bumper to bumper.... but I guess, the consolation was, we were still travelling at a decent speed...

Thank God the view was worth it :) and the drive wasn't too longggg.. tee hee hee.

We finally got to Chateau Yering, where Jon booked lunch for us, and also to celebrate his mom's belated birthday.

The weather, fortunately, was kind to us when we arrived. It was raining minutes before, but the sun came out for a little peek when we got there :)

We headed into the restaurant, and was directed to the lounge for a seat, while waiting to be seated at the main dining hall :) Such a quaint little place, with red wood decor and a beautiful fireplace. Very vintage.

Happy and beaming after more than 30 years of marriage...

Thank you for booking lunch and driving us there :) *muah*

The food was pretty good too :) My scallops with pastries entree was yummilicious~! :P MmMm mMmMmM....

Jon's main was really good too. He ordered some lamb dish with peas. It was really tender and juicy. I don't quite remember the full name of the dish, but it was pretty yummy!

Such pretty autumn colours :) I will always love autumn because of this.

After lunch, we headed over to the cellar door for some wine tasting... and a walkabout to burn off the calories we've just piled on.

Yering Station is pretty, ain't it?? It's such a massive place!! It was full house that day we went though, cause I guess everyone wanted a short escape from the big smog :)

Jon found a little water feature with some coins in it, and got a tad excited :P There was a notice saying that all the money in there will be donated to the leukaemia foundation at the Royal Children's Hospital, so he wanted to play his part as well...

He got some coins out of his pocket, and starting throwing coins into it, the Trevi Fountain style! hehehe... Coin on the right hand, over the left shoulder, and make a wish!! :) Can you spot the coin??

I had a good time that day, just having a chilled day... and enjoying the long Easter weekend :) Nothing too fancy, just some family and friends time.

I hope you guys had a good Easter too. That's if anyone's still reading... after not having updates for so long :( Oopss!

More updates soon :) I'm trying to revive my blogging mojo that has been missing for more than a month or so... hahaha.

Revived~!!

2011-05-01T11:11:00.000+10:00

I just realised that it's getting harder to find time to blog nowadays...
With all the training courses and conferences that I have to prepare for,
the wedding planning, the long working hours etc.
Or perhaps, I'm merely giving myself excuses not to blog as I have nothing much to blog about?!

It's so difficult, when you try not to blog about the wedding, as I'm trying to keep everything a surprise for the day~!! and wedding planning and work consume like 90% of my time, so what have I got left to blog about? You get the picture now? hehehehe.

But anyways, it's pretty poor that I didn't even have one entry the whole month of April!! OMG!

So I thought I'd give my blog a little revamp, for some freshness so I would wanna come back and look at it :) and give it a little spritz every so often... hehehe. Hope you like the new look too :)

I've decided to usher is May, with a little recap of what happened in April :) including the longggg Easter break that we all thoroughly enjoyed, I'm sure!

My aunt was recently in Melbourne, and we caught up a few times - This was at Livebait in Docklands, for seafood :)

We also had the many coffee sessions, discussing wedding dresses and wedding planning... :)
I remember the times when I was younger, and used to be so close to this aunt of mine, I was even her flower girl when she got married! :)

How we both have grown, and now it's my turn huh?

All of us went out for dinner in Chinatown for a good meal

And drinks in Sofitel, overlooking the beautiful Melbourne CBD before they flew back to Malaysia :)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I guess some of the April highlights included:

TMY in Melbourne... (again).

Yes yes, I know... He comes to Melbourne so often, that it's not even considered a highlight anymore, but I guess in this situation, the highlight is that he woke up early, to have breakfast with me after my night shift at work!!

Those of you who know him, will know not to call him before 12 noon, as he would still be asleep~! But hey, he did pretty well this time around...

Post night shift brekkie is da bomb~!! :D

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The boys went out for drinks the other night. We normally just rock up at Glen Waverley, and then look for a place to sit down for a quiet drink, but geez.... everywhere was packed to the brim the other night! Must be eagerly looking forward to the Easter holidays or something! The whole street was buzzing~!

I was sooo knackered after a full day at work, and having woken up at 5.30am for theatre that morning, but didn't wanna feel left out cause everyone was out and about that night! Hahaha... kiasu I guess!

Was good catching up with Bharat and discussing where we should head to for a short holiday on the way back from KL after the wedding... Sadhna and him are planning to go somewhere as well :) So who knows, perhaps we could tee up a short trip together! That would be so lovely... hehe.

We did not end up staying out till late... I was dozing off, so we called it a night at about 10ish, came home and crawled into bed straight away. I wouldn't wake up even if the roof fell upon me~! Hehehe, that was how tired I was!

HmmMm, I thought I would do my Easter long weekend holiday happenings here as well, but it seems like this post is going to get a tad too long~! So I'm just going to leave that to a separate post. Hope you're pacified with this one, and a new blog look for now :) That's if you're still reading my dying blog. Hahaha.

Love you all~! :)

2011-03-22T10:24:00.000+11:00

LOVE

PARIS~!!!

Can't wait to visit Europe again~!! Perhaps for our honeymoon or something.... Want to go to Venice and Florence as well.... and Barcelona... etc. Oh well, one can dream aye??

Guess it's back to work for now, and buck up my surgical skills~!

And the exciting part of hunting for my dress begins! Dates are set.... venues sorted! Just the perfect dress now! :) Wheeeee~~~

Mei hearts Paris

2011-03-11T11:44:00.000+11:00

Jon and I were recently in Paris for a short holiday. Well, it wasn't too short actually. We were in Paris for a week, but one week's too short to do Europe... So we only managed to go to France and perhaps, leave the other places for some other time. Honeymoon perhaps??

It was a terribly longggg flight from Melbourne to Charles de Gaulle, Paris. But I guess the excitement of being there was greater than anything else, that I wasn't too tired even after 24 hours of flying! Crazy!!

We arrived in the morning, and decided to take the express train into the city for breakfast, since we couldn't check in to the hotel as yet.

The weather was so cold and gloomy when we arrived! I guess they were right when they said Paris was having a bad winter this year! It was a mere 3 degrees when we touched down that morning, and on top of that, it was drizzling too!! Arghhh, hate bad weather!

But nothing stops me from enjoying Paree, the city of loveee...

First stop was Notre Dame Cathedral~! It was majestic! Huge, with beautiful architecture. It was really quite amazing seeing it in person. Captivating, just like in the movies... It's no wonder Paris is always featured in movies :D

We walked around for awhile, but then the tiredness was starting to hit us, after being in the plane for more than a day! So we decided to head back to the hotel, check in and catch some snooze.

Woke up late afternoon / evening, and got ready to explore more of beautiful Paris! We also met up with some of Jon's friend / ex-colleague who came to pick us up in his new BMW 5 Series to have dinner near Chateau Chantilly. Too bad I didn't snap any pic of the majestic piece of architecture. Plus, it was dark anyways...

We dined in a Michelin Star restaurant that night! :) Food was really yummy, but the only trouble we had, was with the menu. Everything was in French, and the waitresses only spoke French! OMG!! Thank God for Jon's friend who had to painstakingly translate the menu to us, so we could order :P Thanks, Gary!

I ordered the seared scallops as my entree. I can't tell you what the rest of the stuff are, because I couldn't read the menu. But it was good though :) Yummsss~!!

My main was the duck (Canard in French) which was very tender, cooked just to perfection!! MmMm.... Not buttery at all, like most other French cuisine~! Loved it!

There were ducks quacking outside the restaurant, and intermittently, they would kinda scream, and everyone on the table looked suspiciously at each other, fearing that they have captured the ducks and slaughtered them right there!

And then Jon exclaimed "Well, at least we know it'll be really fresh". (-.-)

I can't even recall what my dessert was, partly because I didn't really know in the first place. But everyone gobbled down their food and licked their plates clean, which says quite alot I guess.

We then wound down and chatted over cups of coffees and teas :) Check out the cutesy sugars! Sooo pretty!! :D

Gary then drove us back to the hotel via the motorway, after coming through the scenic route, and getting lost a couple of times. Tee hee. Thought it was pretty nice of him to come down all the way from Brussels with his wife, and staying the night in Paris, to catch up. But then again, I guess they'd enjoy a little getaway too :)

That pretty much summed up our first day in Paris. Weather was horrible, but never-the-less, I had a good time!

NZ North Island

2011-03-01T01:33:00.002+11:00

Wow~!! It has been a month since we went to New Zealand! Time flies when you're occupied I guess. I haven't really had time to sit down and pen down my thoughts. It's been go-go-go since the engagement, pretty much.

Came back from Hong Kong, announced our engagement. Started looking at venues for the wedding. And then it was looking for a new place to move to, move out of the old place... packing, cleaning, redirecting mails etc. Said goodbye to the wonderful colleagues in NICU and am now settling back into O&G.

But anyhow, another time for those... This post is about my NZ trip :) hehe. It was my first time in the Qantas Gold Lounge, cause Jon is now a Gold member, and travelling with him, I get a tad spoilt by having access to the lounge too! ehehehe... Sorry, a little 'jakun' cause I don't normally travel First Class :P so I guess this deserves a mention.

Anyhoo, NZ!! We arrived in Auckland on Friday night and the weather was horrible! :( It's been raining non stop for the whole day apparently. We picked up the rental car and drove ourselves to the hotel in the city, to realise that we were on the "red light district" end of Auckland!!! Which were both scary yet fun and exciting at the same time! No, we didn't go to any of the joints though.

The next day, we took a stroll looking for breakfast, and settled for a place a the corner of Auckland's main Queen St.

We ordered the farmer's breakfast set each - only to realise that the serving is hugeeee! But so worth the money though!! hehehehe :) I love how strong the AUD is at the moment.... Guess it won't stay so good forever, so I guess we're maximising it while we can.

My humongous latte to start my day :)

Walked around Auckland city and explored the surroundings while we had time in our hands in the morning. Stopped at the infamous Aotea Square for a photo.

We then walked to SkyCity, the casino and entertainment complex. To be honest, it was quite disappointing. There was nothing much there, and we were out of that place probably within half an hour of entering.

One of my favourite spots in Auckland - by the water. I somehow loveeee cities which are built along the harbour / waterfront! Just makes it that much nicer! :) And luckily the weather was sorta holding u for us.

Went back to the hotel after lunch to get ready for Gary and Alice's wedding.

It started raining when we were driving there which was tremendously disappointing~! Cause it was meant to be a garden wedding!

A quick photo with Gary the groom before he gets too busy when everyone else arrives! :D

One with pretty Estine :) Long lost friend.. haven't seen this girl in like... almost 8 years! Long timee!! She still looks the same though. Or shall I say, we both do? :P I reckon we haven't really aged much. tee hee hee.

Whee~!! More old friend reunited! <3

Just like the good old days... except that Stephen's married now :P And Gary... and Boon.

One with Jon, who made an effort to bring a suit and get dressed up for the day. Hehehe.

He's not big on packing different types of clothing for the holiday. Where possible, he would travel light and wear the same things on rotation and do laundry in the hotel.

The beautiful bride, Alice... and the ever-so-nervous, Gary. It was an almost perfect wedding day (minus the rain) for the perfect couple :)

Exchanging marriage vows and wedding rings.

With the beautiful Alice :)

Group pic :) The newlyweds and the Aussie gang!

These beautifully customised place cards were all individually handmade by Alice :) Sooo pretty right? I wish I could do creative things like that too for my own wedding :P ehehehe.

Both of them beaming with happiness! :)

I am very impressed with Gary's rather smooth dance moves. Apparently, he's rehearsed really hard for this special day :P teehee.

We had fun that night - sharing the couple's joy, dancing, and taking heaps of photos in the mobile photobooth! Thanks again for allowing us to be a part of your special day, Gary.

Hoping to see you guys later this year in Melbourne! :) <3 muah muah. Love you guys!

*More of NZ North Island trip soon* Need to catch some ZzZ's. Super jet lagged at the moment*

Of good friends, and everything in between...

2011-02-28T15:54:00.000+11:00

OMG... I just realised this post has been in my "draft" box for awhile now...

*******************

As I am packing up and cleaning the house, I have the rerun of Sex And The City on DVD playing on the background. I have watched the whole six seasons a gazillion times, yet some of the lines still captivate me.

It's silly, I know... watching the same series over and over again :P But hey, what the heck if you can relate to it? And besides, it doesn't really count because it's only running on the background?

I guess the thing about watching the series, is that it always makes me feel sentimental in a way... And it makes me feel grateful that I have good friends around me... near or far.

And the best part is, the 'far' ones... are always in my heart, and like Carrie said "if you're really lucky, only a plane ride away".

Ming Yen came down for a short visit again just before Christmas, for some shopping and the infamous, delicious Melbourne food :) And of course, to catch up with the old gang.

Some days, I really miss the gang. I miss our regular Friday night dinner outings, and our spontaneous group vacations~! Nowadays, it's lucky if we can get half the group together at one time. Someone is always working, one day or another...

Just a fact of life, I guess...

The Christmas period was kinda nice, cause Ash came back to celebrate with his family... and the best part was, he brought his girlfriend, Katie back to meet the family! :)

And to introduce her to us, of course... tee hee hee.

It was like double dating~! Tee hee... How funny was it, that the boys were kinda wearing the same shirt, and the girls were kinda in the same thing? Purely coincidental!!

ps: Jon and I are soooo brown from golf~! :( And I have got tan lines all over! And the worst bit is, I'm peelinggggg... SEVERELY SUNBURNT!

Jon spent Boxing Day morning playing competition, while I, on the other hand... caught up with my old uni friends who are visiting from stormy Queensland.

Lunch in the city with Kin Shang, Juliana, Boon Tsien and Sarah :) We had Viet for lunch... Boon and Sarah were really impressed with Melbourne food! And the funny thing was, the restaurant that we went to wasn't even that good!!

We then adjoured to Lindt Cafe on Collins Street for some chitter chatter, and gossip session :P tee hee hee..

Compulsory group shot, of course!!! Durrrrr..

My boys :)

One with Kin Shang, that lives in Melbourne, but I only see about once a year or so! I should really make a better effort to catch up with good friends :P

Perhaps, that should be one of my new year's resolutions. That, and updating my blog more frequently! :P Now that I have internet access again, I hope I'll do a better job that I did the past 2 months.

BACK~!!

2011-02-28T11:33:00.000+11:00

I'm back from my longest hiatus so far!! Not purely by choice though. But I guess it was a good time for me to recollect my thought and start the year fresh...

This bunny year is going to be a big one for me. Much to plan, much to do... Hopefully, it'll be an awesome year :))

Haven't had internet connection for the last month or so, because we were in the middle of moving house, and was then interrupted by our New Zealand trip for Gary's wedding and also starting my new job at Frankston. Have also just got back from Paris for a short vacation to start the year off :)) tee hee.

Finally settled now in our new place, but then took awhile for our internet to get connected because we've got naked ADSL now. So the guy had to come and check our cables to make sure the speed is good enough for it and all that jazz... don't ask me, I don't know the details.

But anyhow, the internet is up and running now... and our VOIP phone works really well too! :) Woohoo to free calls to anyone within Australia! This is awesome!!

Now all I need to do is get settled in my new work place, and then I can organise a little house warming / get together thing with some friends.

Hope everyone's well.... it's been awhile, I know.

Snail paced

2011-01-04T14:23:00.000+11:00

I have been so un-motivated with penning down my thoughts. Perhaps it's because of my busy schedule at the moment. Everyone's busy around Christmas / New Year's... Just so much happening in terms of family, and gatherings... gifts shopping etc.

I have just come to realise that it is now 2011 and I haven't really penned anything down in awhile, so to usher in the new year, I shall post some long overdue pics of some of my dear friends :))

It was perfect timing when Bal was down for the U2 concert, cause Pui San was here for a short holiday as well! :) She's quite the marathon runner now, in case you didn't know! She's been participating in a few marathons and triathlons in Asia Pacific! Fit as a fiddle!!

The girls caught up in the city, over coffee, lunch and shopping! :) Yups, girls and gossips... and shopping, inseparable! Perfect combination!

I was also updating the girls on the proposal story, but unfortunately, I didn't have my ring to share at that point, because it was only ready to be picked up the day after! Boohooo!!! Never mind, I have posted the photos here on my blog anyway :P

I am so fortunate to have great friends with me in my down time, to stand by me and support me, AND to also share my happiness during the good times! What more can one ask for??

We adjourned to have a Malaysian meal over lunch because Bal and Sudev are severely deprived of yummy authentic Malaysian food in Adelaide.... They shared 3 mains between the two of them.. AND they tapao'ed as well!

After lunch, we walked around for abit to burn off some calories, and then decided to have some nice gourmet coffee at Brother Baba Budan, a Seven Seeds Specialty Coffee place tucked away in an alley along Little Burke Street.

Love the rustic, minimalistic feel of this place.

Compulsory group shot to complete the day, no? :P tee hee

Speaking of engagements, I recently found out that Mabel just got engaged as well :))

It's been quite a few months since I saw her, so we caught up to share her joy and to see her beautiful ring! We also shared stories on my big roller coaster year :P that fortunately, at the end of it, turned out fine...

Well, it was a fine time to recap on my 2010 I suppose.... and may 2011 brings us much good health, joy, happiness and success~!! And I'm going to be a busy busy bee~!

My January is already jam packed and exciting!! I can't wait!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!! Lots of love from Mei :) *muah*

Summer?? Really??

2010-12-20T14:20:00.000+11:00

It has been so cold the last 2 days, it's not funny! Summer's meant to be here! Hello?! Christmas is less than a week away, and this morning, I received a text message from Mount Buller saying they had snow overnight?!

What is going on?!!!

I guess, in some ways, it's nice to have a White Christmas, but hmm, I'd like to have some "shorts weather" too!! After all, we only get to wear shorts for a few short months in a year, because Melbourne is generally erratic, but this is just plain... unacceptable!

Having your heater and electric blanket on to be able to go to sleep comfortably in summer, is NOT NORMAL~!

And hey, how am I going to improve my game, when everytime I go to the golf course, it buckets down?!

ARrRrggGhHhH... just ranting, cause I can't play I suppose~!

Freezing our arse off :(

2010-12-20T12:58:00.000+11:00

This post is a little late, but I just realised that I had it in my draft, so I thought I'd better post it now, than a couple of months later... hehehe. Besides, it's only a month ago that my aunt and uncle were here!

And hey, it's still in the same calendar year, so really - it's not that late... kekeke.

I took my aunt and uncle to the beach when they were here visiting last week. It was a pretty chilly day, but it wasn't raining, until we left the house and was already on our way to the beach... Just great!! FML (like how my sis says it! hahahah).

Anyway, since we were already half way there, I wasn't going to turn back and figure out some other place to go, cause I didn't plan to spend too much time there anyway. We were just going to have a look around, and then head out to dinner.

But a short look around turned out to become a rather lengthy photo session...

I was feeling quite cold then, because it was drizzling a little... but Remy seemed really excited to be out with everyone else, so he didn't really want to leave. And my aunt was too busy snapping photos so I felt a little rude if I said, "Lets go now".

Mom was freezing her arse off, and was wrapping her scarf all around her! Doesn't she look like Aminah, or Siti, or Khatijah in the above photo? Hehehehe.

Random self happy snap~! I was trying to get everyone in the background, but don't know where mom disappeared to. Hiding from the cold perhaps :P

Luckily I was smart enough to bring my cashmere scarf to keep me warm... and I dressed Remy up too.

The sun came out and peeked at us for awhile, and as quickly as it came, it disappeared again :(

More happy snappies :)

I of course, took this opportunity to have a photo with my boy as well :) Remy kept wanting to go to the edge of the water. I think he wanted to chase the ducks or something... So cute, my little boy!!

Group pic :) Remy's in the pic too, but it was too difficult to get him to look the right way round. Mom's not in the pic, cause she was the photographer. Understandably, there weren't many random people walking along the beach at that point to help snap a photo for us.

Cause we were the only crazy ones there braving the bbbbrrrr.... coldd.... bbrrrr *teeth chattering*. Ok, maybe I exagerated a little, but you get the picture.

Hahahaha... just had to post this up cause I thought it's damn funny~!!! Love my sporting mom to bits! :)

We finally decided that it was time to get our butts warmed up.. so we dropped Remy home, fed him his yummy dinner, and then headed out for some food to soothe our tummy.

I decided to bring them to try authentic Vietnamese cuisine at the Vietnamese Central of Melbourne - Richmond. Brought them to one of my favourite Vietnamese restaurants, CoDo.

My ultimate favourite - pork and prawn noodle soup. It's not just any noodle k? It's my favourite "assam laksa-like" noodles... I'm sure it has some fancy Vietnamese name that I don't know though.

Mom opted for the crab noodle - highly recommended! Damn, blogging about this is making me feel like having it right now~! *salivating*

Yummy in my tummy~! :D

Maybe I'll attempt to make some Vietnamese dishes tonight, since I'm on my day off, and it's kinda cold to be outside. Initial plan was to play golf, but might have to scrap that :(

An eventful Saturday

2010-12-11T21:06:00.001+11:00

We woke up early this morning, to get to Sandhurst for our induction course. Yes, we got the letter in the mail, and have been accepted for lifetime membership at Sandhurst Club, home of the PGA :) Yay~!!!

The induction course lasted pretty much the whole morning. The general manager was telling us about the history of the course and club, and general etiquette stuff amongst others. It also touched on how to get your handicap, to improve games and all that. I'm so excited to start playing there. I'm hoping to improve my game, and perhaps get myself a handicap so I can play in ladies / mixed competitions~! :P hehehe... a little ambitious huh? :P

Besides 2 beautiful courses, Sandhurst also has a really nice health club - complete with swimming pool, sauna, gym area and also group classes. Pretty much like a gym really... So I'm gonna cancel my existing gym membership, and just go to the club, since it's already included in the membership anyways.

Got myself a new Odyssey putter too :)

AND

We went to collect my new pair of golf shoes that arrived in store :)) Yays~!! Advanced Christmas pressie (one of them anyway).

My bag tag :) Proud member... wheee~!!!!

After running around, getting orientated to the club and surroundings, picking up my shoes and stuff, we headed down to the city to pick up the item that I have been waiting for....

The highly anticipated

Engagement ring~!!!

The centre piece is the diamond that Jon proposed with in Hong Kong. The setting and the side stones, were chosen by the both of us after we got back to Melbourne. The side stones are set in a channel setting, with pink and clear diamonds alternating.

The pink diamonds are super expensive, and pretty rare... so we couldn't really afford them. Resorted to alternating them instead with normal diamonds... but I love the final product :D

It's a little different from the normal solitaire that most people have (although, they are classically beautiful~!!! Timeless!!) and I love how the touch of pink gives it character :) They are not too pink, just subtly done so it still looks like a normal engagement ring at a glance, but if you look closer, then you'll see the pink diamonds do look quite different. It took the jeweller quite some time to source the shade of pink that I wanted (they were too pink initially) but I guess, the wait is over, cause the ring is now finally on my finger!!

Thank you Papa Bear~!! I love it.

And I love you. *muah*

Upset...

2010-11-27T22:12:00.000+11:00

Tonight,
I'm upset.

Just had an argument with dad.

As much as I wanna see his point of view,
And accomodate for his wants and needs,

I wish that for one second,
He would hear me out,
And perhaps try to accomodate mine too.

After all, isn't it my day too? :(

Plastic

2010-11-27T18:51:00.039+11:00

All I have to say today is:

Plastic surgery may change the way you look, but it doesn't change who you are.

Confidence comes from accepting what God created for you, and loving yourself inside and out.

I know it's none of my business anyway, but it saddens me a little that she had to resort to enhancement surgeries at such a young age. And if you think you can hide it from the world, then you're sadly mistaken. People do talk. Even the ones closest to you. Perhaps not in front of your face, but they do.

And for your closest friends to disagree with your actions (and I'm not referring to just the surgery here), doesn't it say something about you?

Oh well, enough bitching from me today. I don't want karma to come biting me in my arse for saying nasty things. I guess I'm just irked by it, that's all. Call me traditional, call me whatever you want. I know in this day and age, plastic / cosmetics surgery is very common and affordable, and I shouldn't criticise people who do them. Some claim they feel happier, more confident post surgery etc...

But once you start with one procedure, then where do you draw the line? Isn't it far better to fix the self confidence issue in the first place, than do keep doing procedures to achieve that perceived image of "perfect beauty"?

All I'm saying is I may not be the most beautiful girl in the world, but I accept that fact, and I love myself for who I am. And I hope the person that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, loves me for just me... and not some altered, enhanced, pretend version of me.

:(

2010-11-26T17:32:00.004+11:00

I'm a little upset that the holidays have ended... and mom is once again, in KL. It's back to work, and back to reality for me. Mommy, I miss youuu~!!! :((

Hopefully, it won't be too long till I get to see my family again.

Meanwhile, Jon and I are keeping ourselves busy with golf now that the weather's warmed up again. He's been playing almost every day! And he's been trying real hard to convince me to join a club with him.

I think I just got sucked in. We went for a drive to the golf and country club and had a look at their 36 holes course, and other facilities, and immediately, I'm sold.

I'm cancelling my gym membership... cause this club has a health club with a pool too!! :) Even better than my current gym. And the best part is, it's going to be halfway between home and work for me next year...

So hopefully, I'll make good use of it! :)

Now pray that my membership gets approved k?? Then I can start playing comp, and get myself a handicap~! Woot woot!!

The Peak, HK

2010-11-25T21:13:00.000+11:00

We decided to do something touristy on Saturday night, while we were in Hong Kong. After all, there is only so much shopping you can do! *OK, not entirely honest* But yeah, you can't go somewhere and not do touristy things!

So we decided to make our way up to the infamous Victoria Peak. We took the MTR to Central Station (if I remember correctly) and walked towards the tram stop to get up to The Peak.

We thought that we would be able to catch the tram up, walk around for abit before we have dinner up there... but OMG~! When we got to the "base", we realised that the queue to catch the tram, was massive~!!!

It just kept snaking....

But... but... we really wanted to go up.

So we joined the super long queue, and waited patiently like everyone else (well, except for a few)

Took some happy snappies while waiting... Since we weren't heading anywhere being stuck in line.

After turning the corner, we thought we were going to board the tram, only to realise... that the queue continues to snake around! OMG~!! *faints*

Resorted to camwhoring some more to kill time... The waiting continues, and the worst part was, Tish was starting to feel the urge to use the toilet! Oh NO!!

Thankfully not too long after, we finally got onboard the tram. Jon looks like a little boy here, with his hair combed sideways, and a backpack. Tee hee hee.

Yays~!!! Up to the peak we go :)

I guess the wait was worth it after all, cause the view from the top, is absolutely breathtaking~! Who would have guessed, that the city that looks hazy during the day, has such beautiful night views from the top?

One of us :) and not quite a good depiction of the stunning views below.

It got a little cold and windy after awhile, so we decided to head indoor to get some food. It was starting to get really packed up at the sky terrace anyways, so we thought we'd head somewhere else to avoid the crowd.

We walked around, and saw this cute cartoon of dim sum, so we thought, maybe we'd have dim sum for dinner... but after exploring the place, we finally found out that it was a dim sum exhibition! Not a restaurant :( Fail maxxxxx....

But perhaps it was a blessing in disguise, cause we then stumbled upon a Michelin Star Restaurant! *wheeeee* to good food!

I had the beef tendons with wonton noodles. They were soooo good~! Arguably the nicest bowl of wonton noodles I ever had!! It was so good that...

I had to order another bowl!!! MmmMMm... super yummm~!

We walked around the complex after dinner. Went to Madame Tussaud's to mingle with some wax figurines... and did some window shopping when we stumbled upon the cutest things ever!!

They are hilarious!! I couldn't stop laughing when Jon showed me this photo! Hahahah... Should have bought them!!

Us, while waiting in line, for the tram back down to Hong Kong Central.

It was a good night indeed, but we were completely knackered by the end of it...

Time to catch some ZzzzzZZZZzZzzZZz... nitey nite, all :)

Cravings...

2010-11-24T11:04:00.002+11:00

I just realised as I was posting the last post, that I haven't actually finished uploading the pics from my recent Hong Kong trip. Sigh, now I'm back at work, and the trip seems like it's long goneeee! BOohoOo.

But anyhoo, better late than never I guess... so here are some pics! :)

This is probably going to be a picture-heavy post as we went a little crazy with the camera over there.

Starting our day with brekkie at the Charlie Brown Cafe. This was located close to our hotel in Kowloon.. and it's one of the places that are open early for breakfast. The other places around that opens early, are mainly bakeries. I think alot of Hongkies buy pastries to eat on their way to work in the mornings.

I love how Hong Kong has all these cute, lovely cafes - everywhere! Look left, look right, outdoors, indoors, these cutesies are everywhere~!!

That morning, Jon had to attend some lighting expo at the Exhibition Centre in Wanchai, so I decided to take a walk around the hotel.

Some random cutey "world bear" along Avenue of Stars.

Along the path heading towards InterContinental @ Tsim Sha Tsui. Did some shopping for a cheongsam. I've always wanted to buy a cheongsam, but the choices here in Melbourne is so limited, and they are so pricey! So I took this golden opportunity to have a look around.

Jon rang about lunch time, so I then boarded the ferry to cross over to the HongKong Island side to meet up with him.

Star Cruise anyone??? :) Wouldn't mind, really. It's been awhile since I last went on a cruise.

We met up for lunch and then did more shopping along Causeway Bay :P hehe. What else would one do in Hong Kong besides eat and shop, really?

Speaking of eating, we had seafood dinner that night and it was yum~! Oh actually, let me rephrase. We had crabs for dinner that night and they were real yum!!

I am salivating as I am typing this~! Perhaps I should have crabs noodle for dinner tonight or something! :P This post was originally entitled "More of Hong Kong" but these yummy crabs have proved too powerful a distraction.

And mom, it's damnnn hot today~! And the next couple of days. I am getting a headache just reading the weather forecast. Have been super sluggish since it's my first off day after the whole long weekend, but also cause the heat has just zapped every ounce of energy out of me!

Don't you just love the erratic Melbourne weather?! It was 19 earlier in the week, and now it's 30+. Just great! *If you can't sense the sarcasm, please go shoot yourself* :P

Playing host yet again...

2010-11-23T11:31:00.000+11:00

Sorry I haven't been updating my blog in awhile. Been busy with work, and on days that I didn't have to work, I was playing host to some family members visiting from Malaysia :)

Had an awesome time.... and snapped some awesome pics, with Jon's awesome camera...~! hehe.

*****

My Aunty YK and Uncle PY came over for a visit not too long ago. I had to work the first couple of days, so Jon picked them up from the airport and dropped them at my place so they could rest, and freshen up after a long flight before heading out to get some food to soothe their stomach.

They spent the rest of the day with him, shopping in Chadstone and then we all had dinner at his mom and dad's place. Thank you baby, for picking them up and bringing them around.

Finally, I had my days off so I could go around a little with them. We didn't end up going anywhere far away, mainly cause I was too lazy to.... but also because they made bookings for day tours, so I didn't have to be the designated driver haha~! :P

I did however, bring them around town though. We went to visit the Shrine of Remembrance of my first day off. It was a beautiful, sunny day... but was still quite cold though. Mom was soooo wrapped up!!

This place somehow looks more beautiful now that I remember it to be. But then again, the last time I was there, was when I was a student a long time ago! heheheh.

We went inside, and was greeted by these colourful service medals from the war veterans. The whole wall was filled with about 4000 of these. Each represents 100 Victorians who served Australia in the war of peacekeeping, and 6 who have died in doing so.

Beautiful, yet touchingly meaningful, I thought.

The view from the top :) Very lush and green...

This place is like a little sanctuary. Standing tall, surrounded by fresh, serene greens, yet enveloped by the tall skyscrapers in the city. Perfect, for soaking in the sun and breathing in fresh, crisp air :)

And we did just that~! It was a little too windy that day for mom's liking though... tee hee.

Mom was freezing~!! Bbrbbrrrr....

Decked in red, in honour of Remembrance Day. Don't you think I complement the poppy flowers behind me very well?? Almost seems like it was all planned.

I loved the weather~! I thought it was perfect! Sunny, but not too hot. But I gotta admit though, it was a tad cold when the wind blew... but besides that, it was a perfect happy day for me!!

Or maybe I was just happy cause I have my family with me! heheheheh.

Or perhaps, I was happy because the two grown-ups agreed to pose for me for this photo. Oh how cute indeed!!

We then headed to the Botanical Gardens, and sat down for a little bit of rest, before exploring the humongous garden, filled with pretty pretty flowers and trees. I have to say that I love this place! It's sooo beautiful.

Love this pretty picture of mommy dearest :)

Colourful~! I think I shall make another trip some day soon, when the weather warms up... for some pretty pics :) hehehe. Sam, too bad you're not here! It's wayyyy nicer to do shoots here as compared to KL. No sweat :)

One of the sisters - mom and aunt.

I just realised that I have many pics to load, hehehe... so perhaps it'll come in the next post or so.

Till then, don't miss me too much! :) *big bear hug*

I wish

2010-11-06T11:29:00.000+11:00

Sometimes,
I wish I could tell you,
That perhaps,
We are a part of something bigger than ourselves.

That perhaps,
We are destined to travel these routes together,
To guide one another,
In our moments of weakness, and sickness.

That perhaps,
God created us different,
So we could learn from each other,
And hold each other's hand
Through this journey called life.

Some days,
I have so much to say,
But too afraid to say them,
In fear that I'll scare you.

Tonight,
I teared at Leny's wedding.
The union of two souls, together as one.
It was absolutely beautiful.

Tonight,
I realised that silently,
I yearn to be 'us' instead of just 'me'.

---------------------------------------------

I wrote this some weeks ago, after my friend, Leny's wedding...
But never had the courage to post it,
As I was afraid it'll come off inappropriate,
As pressuring you into something you're not ready for.

But I guess the funny thing is,
That we were both ready,
At that same point of time...
Yet, we both didn't have the courage to utter it...

Until you did that night :)
And I'm glad you did it, baby.

Hong Kong - City of Lights

2010-11-05T18:20:00.000+11:00

A few weeks ago, I found out that Jon was going to India, and then stopping by Hong Kong for work. He asked if I wanted to spend a week with him in Hong Kong. I of course, jumped at the opportunity, as I've always wanted to go there, but somehow, never really gotten the opportunity to. I think the closest we got, was when it suddenly got hit by SARS, and then again 2 years ago, but ended up going to Cambodia instead.

Anyhow, I finally managed to get some time off work, and made my way to Hong Kong SAR - the city of lights~!

Arrived in the afternoon, and Jon picked me up from the airport. Got back to our hotel room and then had a quick shower to freshen up :) Headed out in the evening for a gentle walk around the area. We stayed in Tsim Sha Tsui, near the harbour and the infamous Avenue of Stars.

We took a slow walk along the harbour, watching the beautiful city lights in this immensely saturated yet great city. Got to the Star Ferry terminal where we boarded the ferry to cross over to the main Hong Kong Island.

I was happy exploring the city but we were getting rather hungry due to the time difference! I probably had dinner around 9ish?! ie 6pm HK time.

We went to the infamous bar / pub area - Lan Kwai Fong for dinner. Had Japanese food cause Jon was craving for some fresh food and greens after weeks of having lentils and curry~! Yuck!! No wonder he has Delhi Belly. Sighhh... my poor boy.

After dinner, we took a stroll to Ladies Market for some trinkets and random cutesy stuff. It's kinda like Petaling Street, but with better quality stuff. But the bargaining, is just the same.

I also took this opportunity to try the Hui Lau Shan desserts that the Hongkies rave about all the time!! :) They're everywhere, I tell ya! Turn left, turn right, go straight, up, down - You'll see a Hui Lau Shan dessert stall / shop!!

I had this a few times during my trip there. They are quite yummy indeed! I tried the cold, contemporary dessert the first night, and also the hot, traditional chinese desserts the other times. Sorry I don't have photos though! Gobbled them down before we had time to whip out the camera.

Headed back to the hotel around 10pm that night, for some well deserved rest after a whole day of travel. In dire need of recharging our batteries!!

The second day was spent at the lighting expo in the morning - at the Convention and Exhibition Centre (where they filmed Gen X *or was it Gen Y* Cops), and then more shopping at Causeway Bay in the afternoon.

This is Times Square @ Causeway Bay, Hong Kong. Level after level of shops and more shops! OMG~!!! Spent some time in here, and then Jon brought me to some random shopping complex somewhere else in Causeway Bay where they sell lots of cutesy clothes and accessories for girls! Heaven!!!! I bought 2 pairs of shoes at the first shop we walked into! Hahahha. Just couldn't resist. They weren't THAT cheap, but they were very unique, and I doubt I'd be able to find them anywhere else, ok... maybe in Japan or something, but definitely not back in Melbourne, or KL.

So yes, I succumbed!! :(

After a long day out, we went to pamper ourselves with a relaxing foot spa and massage. Almost fell asleep as well :) It was gooodddddd.... and relatively cheap compared to what we get here! And so well worth it after a whole day abusing our feet, walking through mountains of people - all in the name of shopping!

After that, we rested for abit back in the hotel before heading out for dinner. Jon got to talking about how this year's been a big year for us as so much as happened... I nodded, and agreed with him, saying that I have grown so much from it though. That we have both braved a storm in our lives, and still came out of it, together.

And in some ways, stronger.

He then suggested that we should head to the harbour for the night light show. For those who didn't know, the large scale light show is pretty darn impressive!! So we walked towards the harbour, near Avenue of Stars to catch the show. But before the show even started...

He mentioned how Hong Kong is his favourite place in the world, and that he's really glad that I made it there with him this time around. I then exclaimed that some days, he'd rather be Hongkie than Aussie and he laughed...

Then he confessed that he had a hidden agenda, bringing me to Hong Kong. He got a little emotional, and told me how much he loves me, and want to spend the rest of his life with me. He fumbled for something from inside his jacket, and I kinda knew what was coming then!!!

He got down on his knees, and proposed!

I was so shocked, I don't think I said anything for about a minute or so... Looking rather embarassed as there were people around too! I so did not see this coming!!

But of course, I said Yes!! :) and I couldn't help but teared a little too *shy*

He was so relieved and proceeded to ask "Can I stand up now?" hehehehhe... Silly boy~!!!

We finally went out for dinner after the emotional evening! :) hehehehe. We had planned to have congee that evening, but since he proposed, we also wanted to celebrate by having something nice... but our tummies were craving for a yummy bowl of congee~!

So we finally decided to have a huge bowl of...

Abalone & scallop congee.... YUMMMY~! Comfort food for the soul :)

After dinner, we strolled along the buzzing streets of Hong Kong city, hand-in-hand... still in disbelief that he just proposed~! I was in shock, while he was all relieved that I said yes! It was as if, he's transferred all the emotions to me... a big rock off his chest! Tee hee.

We made our way back to the hotel that night, hand-in-hand, not as boyfriend and girlfriend... but as fiance and fiancee.

(Please try to ignore my ugly nail polish that's coming off. If I knew, I would have gotten myself a manicure!!)

And btw, that's not my ring. It's just the diamond in a clasper it came in. We're getting it set soon :)

Neglected? Maybe. Forgotten? Not.

2010-11-05T15:31:00.000+11:00

Boohoo... I know I have neglected this space for awhile, but things have been pretty hectic since I got back from KL. Practically worked the long shift every day, and then had one day off to pack for my Hong Kong trip~!

My gosh, I was entirely exhausted! But I guess the thought of shopping to my heart's content, and eating till I explode was kinda like the light at the end of the tunnel. It kept me going. And the blessing behind it all, was that I didn't have any time to shop here so I basically saved so I could shop till I drop in Hong Kong.

Yups, shopping took up a big chunk of our time in Hong Kong :) Bought heaps of stuff everyday, as if things came for free!!

But the truth is, some things ARE alot cheaper over there. By half, sometimes! Others cost just the same and is definitely not worth my luggage space lugging them back, when you can get them back here in Melbourne.

Bought some sweet, cutesy clothes and shoes, a bag or two and ate to my heart's content :) YumMmMmm!!

This city has sooo much to offer, I shall blog about my trip in detail in my next post when I get the photos sorted out.

I *heart* Hong Kong~! Wouldn't mind going back there next month if I could! Hahahha... just joking! Maybe next year or something if I have the opportunity to.

Also, I have news to share! :) :)

Fa-Mi-Lee :D

2010-10-19T23:26:00.000+11:00

No matter how many times you tell them you love them,
It's never enough.
The truth is, there is no word strong enough,
To quantify this love.
This unexplainable bond.

But the good thing is,
No words are needed when it comes to family.
Because we know...

We just... know.

"Blood is always thicker than water".

I will once again,
Say it plain and simple.

I. Love. All. Of. You...
Very very much~!

I'm leaving

2010-10-11T04:55:00.000+11:00

One more sleep...

I am having mixed emotions.

Sad that I am leaving home once again.
Leaving my dearest family behind,
And of course some of my oldest, best(est) friends.

Yet excited that Mama Bear is going to see Papa Bear and Baby Bear soon,
And once again, be in the arms of my loved ones.

Why can't the ones I love all be in the same place?
At the same time??

It's been years... yet it doesn't get any easier.
Both leaving for KL, and leaving for Melbourne.
I always leave excited, yet with a heavy heart.
It's kinda convulatedly contradictory, no?

Back Home~!

2010-10-07T13:54:00.001+11:00

Buh bye Melbourne... for now :)

I am back in KL, enjoying the company of my dearest family, good old friends, and superb food.

Will definitely be back with more photos soon.

Missing Papa Bear and Baby Bear heaps.

Rejoice in your time together

2010-10-07T13:46:00.000+11:00

If death is the only thing which is certain in life,
Then why do I still tear??

I was reading Lee Kwan Yew's eulogy at his wife's memorial service, and I just couldn't help but tear as I reached the final few paragraphs.
I do not know him personally.
Neither did I know her personally.

But I felt the love,
And I definitely felt the loss...
No matter how predictable,
No matter how much time you had to prepare yourself,

The loss of your loved one,
Still kills.
It still rips your heart into a million little pieces.
And sometimes, you may find that you may wonder for the rest of your life,
How to put the pieces back together...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

The last farewell to my wife — Lee Kuan Yew

October 06, 2010

Oct 6 — Ancient peoples developed and ritualised mourning practices to express the shared grief of family and friends, and together show not fear or distaste for death, but respect for the dead one; and to give comfort to the living who will miss the deceased.

I recall the ritual mourning when my maternal grandmother died some 75 years ago. For five nights the family would gather to sing her praises and wail and mourn at her departure, led by a practiced professional mourner.

Such rituals are no longer observed. My family’s sorrow is to be expressed in personal tributes to the matriarch of our family.

In October 2003 when she had her first stroke, we had a strong intimation of our mortality.
My wife and I have been together since 1947 for more than three quarters of our lives. My grief at her passing cannot be expressed in words. But today, when recounting our lives together, I would like to celebrate her life.

In our quiet moments, we would revisit our lives and times together. We had been most fortunate. At critical turning points in our lives, fortune favoured us.

As a young man with an interrupted education at Raffles College, and no steady job or profession, her parents did not look upon me as a desirable son-in-law. But she had faith in me.

We had committed ourselves to each other. I decided to leave for England in September 1946 to read law, leaving her to return to Raffles College to try to win one of the two Queen’s Scholarships awarded yearly. We knew that only one Singaporean would be awarded. I had the resources, and sailed for England, and hoped that she would join me after winning the Queen’s Scholarship.
If she did not win it, she would have to wait for me for three years.

In June the next year, 1947, she did win it. But the British colonial office could not get her a place in Cambridge.

Through Chief Clerk of Fitzwilliam, I discovered that my Censor at Fitzwilliam, W S Thatcher, was a good friend of the Mistress of Girton, Miss Butler.

He gave me a letter of introduction to the Mistress. She received me and I assured her that Choo would most likely take a “First”, because she was the better student when we both were at Raffles College.
I had come up late by one
term to Cambridge, yet passed my first year qualifying examination with a class 1. She studied Choo’s academic record and decided to admit her in October that same year, 1947.

We have kept each other company ever since. We married privately in December 1947 at Stratford-upon-Avon. At Cambridge, we both put in our best efforts. She took a first in two years in Law Tripos II. I took a double first, and a starred first for the finals, but in three years.

We did not disappoint our tutors. Our Cambridge Firsts gave us a good start in life. Returning to Singapore, we both were taken on as legal assistants in Laycock & Ong, a
thriving law firm in Malacca Street. Then we married officially a second time that September 1950 to please our parents and friends. She practised conveyancing and draftsmanship, I did litigation.

In February 1952, our first son Hsien Loong was born. She took maternity leave for a year.
That February, I was asked by John Laycock, the Senior Partner, to take up the case of the Postal and Telecommunications Uniformed Staff Union, the postmen’s union.

They were negotiating with the government for better terms and conditions of service. Negotiations were deadlocked and they decided to go on strike. It was a battle for public support. I was able to put across the reasonableness of their case through the press and radio. After a fortnight, they won concessions from the government. Choo, who was at home on maternity leave, pencilled through my draft statements, making them simple and clear.

Over the years, she influenced my writing style. Now I write in short sentences, in the active voice. We gradually influenced each other’s ways and habits as we adjusted and accommodated each other.
We knew that we could not stay starry-eyed lovers all our lives; that life was an on-going challenge with new problems to resolve and manage.

We had two more children, Wei Ling in 1955 and Hsien Yang in 1957. She brought them up to be well-behaved, polite, considerate and never to throw their weight as the prime minister’s children.
As a lawyer, she earned enough, to free me from worries about the future of our children.
She saw the price I paid for not having mastered Mandarin when I was young. We decided to send all three children to Chinese kindergarten and schools.

She made sure they learned English and Malay well at home. Her nurturing has equipped them for life in a multi-lingual region.
We never argued over the upbringing of our children, nor over financial matters. Our earnings and assets were jointly held. We were each other’s confidant.

She had simple pleasures. We would walk around the Istana gardens in the evening, and I hit golf balls to relax.

Later, when we had grandchildren, she would take them to feed the fish and the swans in the Istana ponds. Then we would swim. She was interested in her surroundings, for instance, that many bird varieties were pushed out by mynahs and crows eating
up the insects and vegetation.

She discovered the curator of the gardens had cleared wild grasses and swing fogged for mosquitoes, killing off insects they fed on. She stopped this and the bird varieties returned. She surrounded the swimming pool with free flowering scented flowers and derived great pleasure smelling them as she swam.

She knew each flower by its popular and botanical names. She had an enormous capacity for words.
She had majored in English literature at Raffles College and was a voracious reader, from Jane Austen to JRR Tolkien, from Thucydides’ The Peloponnesian Wars to Virgil’s Aeneid, to The Oxford Companion to Food, and Seafood of Southeast Asia, to Roadside Trees of Malaya, and Birds of Singapore.

She helped me draft the Constitution of the PAP. For the inaugural meeting at Victoria Memorial Hall on 4 November 1954, she gathered the wives of the founder members to sew rosettes for those who were going on stage.

In my first election for Tanjong Pagar, our home in Oxley Road, became the HQ to assign cars provided by my supporters to ferry voters to the polling booth.
She warned me that I could not trust my new found associates, the leftwing trade unionists led by Lim Chin Siong. She was furious that he never sent their high school student helpers to canvass for me in Tanjong Pagar, yet demanded the use of cars provided by my supporters to ferry my Tanjong Pagar voters.

She had an uncanny ability to read the character of a person. She would sometimes warn me to be careful of certain persons; often, she turned out to be right.

When we were about to join Malaysia, she told me that we would not succeed because the UMNO Malay leaders had such different lifestyles and because their politics were communally-based, on race and religion.

I replied that we had to make it work as there was no better choice. But she was right.
We were asked to leave Malaysia before two years.

When separation was imminent, Eddie Barker, as Law Minister, drew up the draft legislation for the separation. But he did not include an undertaking by the Federation Government to guarantee the observance of the two water agreements between the PUB and the Johor state government. I asked Choo to include this. She drafted the undertaking as part of the constitutional amendment of the Federation of Malaysia Constitution itself.

She was precise and meticulous in her choice of words. The amendment statute was annexed to the Separation Agreement, which we then registered with the United Nations.
The then Commonwealth Secretary Arthur Bottomley said that if other federations were to separate, he hoped they would do it as professionally as Singapore and Malaysia.

It was a compliment to Eddie’s and Choo’s professional skills. Each time Malaysian Malay leaders threatened to cut off our water supply, I was reassured that this clear and solemn international undertaking by the Malaysian government in its Constitution will get us a ruling by the UNSC (United Nations Security Council).

After her first stroke, she lost her left field of vision. This slowed down her reading. She learned to cope, reading with the help of a ruler. She swam every evening and kept fit. She continued to travel with me, and stayed active despite the stroke. She stayed in touch with her family and old friends.
She listened to her collection of CDs, mostly classical, plus some golden oldies. She jocularly divided her life into “before stroke” and “after stroke”, like BC and AD.

She was friendly and considerate to all associated with her. She would banter with her WSOs (woman security officers) and correct their English grammar and pronunciation in a friendly and cheerful way. Her former WSOs visited her when she was at NNI. I thank them all.

Her second stroke on 12 May 2008 was more disabling. I encouraged and cheered her on, helped by a magnificent team of doctors, surgeons, therapists and nurses.
Her nurses, WSOs and maids all grew fond of her because she was warm and considerate. When she coughed, she would take her small pillow to cover her mouth because she worried for them and did not want to infect them.

Her mind remained clear but her voice became weaker. When I kissed her on her cheek, she told me not to come too close to her in case I caught her pneumonia.
I assured her that the doctors did not think that was likely because I was active.

When given some peaches in hospital, she asked the maid to take one home for my lunch. I was at the centre of her life.

On 24 June 2008, a CT scan revealed another bleed again on the right side of her brain. There was not much more that medicine or surgery could do except to keep her comfortable.
I brought her home on 3 July 2008. The doctors expected her to last a few weeks. She lived till 2nd October, 2 years and 3 months.

She remained lucid. They gave time for me and my children to come to terms with the inevitable. In the final few months, her faculties declined. She could not speak but her cognition remained.

She looked forward to have me talk to her every evening.

Her last wish she shared with me was to enjoin our children to have our ashes placed together, as we were in life.

The last two years of her life were the most difficult. She was bedridden after small successive strokes; she could not speak but she was still cognisant.

Every night she would wait for me to sit by her to tell her of my day’s activities and to read her favourite poems. Then she would sleep.

I have precious memories of our 63 years together. Without her, I would be a different man, with a different life. She devoted herself to me and our children.

She was always there when I needed her. She has lived a life full of warmth and meaning.

I should find solace at her 89 years of her life well lived. But at this moment of the final parting, my heart is heavy with sorrow and grief.

* This eulogy by Singapore’s Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew was delivered at the funeral service of his wife, Madam Kwa Geok Choo at a private ceremony at Mandai Cremetorium today.
* This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication. The Malaysian Insider does not endorse the view unless specified.

Life... and death.

2010-10-02T11:23:00.001+10:00

I see tiny little babies being born everyday,

Admitted to the unit and being cared for,

Nursed back to health,

So they can go home to the loving arms of their moms and dads.

That feeling you get,

On the day they go home in their comfy little basinet,

The day the mom comes over,

Calls you by your first name,

Like you're lost time friends...

Gives you a big hug,

And plants a kiss on your cheeks,

Is a perfect day at work :)

It's the reason behind me being a doctor.

To lend a helping hand.

To do something noble, no matter how small.

But there will also be days,

That those fragile little humans tell you,

In their own special way...

"I have had enough".

"I was not born to be in this condition".

"Please let me go".

Those days,

I wonder to myself,

Why did God choose them?

WHY?

Is God trying to test their strength? Or truly is He trying to test mine??

And yet, I always try to look for the rainbow after the rain...

Spring in Melbourne

2010-10-01T00:43:00.000+10:00

I love spring... and I love my good friends by my side, albeit only temporary.

It was a great weekend where I had the best of both worlds, right by my side. The sky was blue and the sun was shining :) and my good friends were visiting over the weekend and we went exploring Melbourne, the green way.

We drove to the city to meet up with Gary and Alice, and after breakfast, we walked around Harbour Town for awhile, before stopping at Waterfront City and New Quay for some photos.

So happen, there was an impromptu dune buggies exhibition at Waterfront City that day! What a pleasant coincidence :)

Gary the nerd insists this looks like the pituitary gland... So nerdy rite?? :P hehehe.

After exploring New Quay, we decided to try those new Melbourne bike share bikes. Since it was such a nice day, we decided to ride along the bike path to get to DFO South Wharf.

What an experience that way! I loved it~! I felt healthy, like I was actually exercising, soaking in some sun, and actually enjoying quality time with great friends at the same time! It was pretty awesome! :D

Would definitely wanna try it again some day, when the weather is warm and the sky is clear. Definitely worth doing in spring / summer.

On the way to DFO South Wharf. It was starting to get hot, partially because of the sun, but also because we just had a good workout :P

Mei posing in front of Captain Cook's ship - the Polly Woodside. Shopping was good, but our only problem was, to load our shopping loot onto our bicycles!! Hahaha. We were hoping the policeman wouldn't come around and fine us $270 for dangerous 'riding'.

Group pic <3 <3

Mucking around.

I just realised we have a few silly photos! Haha. This is almost similar to the L.O.V.E one we did at Boon's wedding in Queensland! Hehehe...

Next destination: Auckland!! Where the gang will be reunited again for Gary and Alice's wedding. Yippie!!!

We spent the evening at Crown, Southbank after dinner - along the Yarra River. Admiring the night lights and the infamous hourly fire display.

Us in front of Melbourne Aquarium. The only group shot we had - which I stole from Gary's album. Tee hee...

The night ended with some Krispy Kreme's donuts~!! Jon was definitely a happy boy... Nobody loves donuts as much as he does! Oh, maybe except Homer.

I was completely knackered by the time we got home. It was a tiring day, but a good one though. I hope you had fun too, Gary. Hopefully I'll see you again before you fly back to Auckland on Saturday.

With love from your boy

2010-10-01T00:02:00.000+10:00

GET WELL SOON, Papa Bear...

So you can cuddle and play with me again... and I'd like to go Zoom-Zoom when you feel a little better.

I love you, Papa Bear.

From,

Baby Bear.

Gossip Girl

2010-09-30T00:33:00.000+10:00

I have been on annual leave the past few days, and since Gossip Girl Season 4 has started, I have been glued to my laptop pretty much... watching the first 3 episodes of the season.

I love Blair's sense of fashion... I love how she carries herself. I love her shoes, her bags... but most of all, I love her chemistry with Chuck.

How they understood each other, no matter how complex or twisted the other person was.

How they forgave each other, for the most royal screw up's they had.

But this little excerpt, almost made me tear a little...

I could feel how much they still loved each other,

But at the same time, couldn't bear being with each other anymore...

Blair: Just because you're dressed poorly, doesn't mean you're not Chuck Bass.

Chuck: Why would I wanna be him?

Blair: You should have told me you got shot.

Chuck: I'm surprised you didn't shoot me yourself.

Blair: I have... many times. In my dreams. The good ones... But, if you were really hurt, I would wanna know.

Chuck: When I woke up, my ID was gone. Nobody knew who I was. Nobody was coming to look for me. I realise I might be alive, but Chuck Bass doesn't have to be.

Blair: Changing your name doesn't change who you are.

Chuck: But that's a good start. A chance to live simply, earn people's respect. Maybe a chance to become a person someone could love.

Blair: Someone DID love you. And, you owe it to her... and everyone else you're leaving behind, not to run away - which is what you're doing. And I don't think that great man you're talking about wanting to be, is a coward... I think he would face up to what he did.

Chuck: I destroyed, the only thing I ever loved.

Blair: *hands him back the diamond ring* I don't love you anymore... but it takes more than even you to destroy Blair Waldorf.

Chuck: Your world would be easier if I didn't come back.

Blair: That's true... but it wouldn't be my world without you in it.

Ahhh, you'd have to watch it or else you wouldn't know what I'm rambling on about... hahaha.

Toodles and nitey nite all!

Torquay, Geelong

2010-09-29T23:10:00.000+10:00

Continued from previous travel post:

Sorry this is so outdated. Been crazy busy recently...

Rise and shine....

Nothing is a better pick-me-up than great breakfast...

I am all ready to start my day~! :)

But, it was check out day, unfortunately... Time to pack our bags and check that we have got all our belongings before checking out at the counter. Oh well, never mind....

Buh bye Cumberland Lorne Resort...

Bye bye Lorne....

The weather was pretty good on the way home, so we decided to take the scenic route home... Passing by touristy destinations, and joining in the fun of being all touristy, snapping pics and stuff.

Stopping near the split-point lighthouse.

Posing for some photos of course~! Tee hee...

Loving the serenity here... The clear blue skies, the crystal clear water... and the fresh crisp breeze...

Spent the morning watching people surfing at Bells' Beach and secretly wishing I could surf too...
Besides, it's not that much different from snowboarding, is it? :P

Driving with the sunroof down on a perfect sunny day... is b.l.i.s.s.

Can't be at Torquay and not to go Surf City huh? It is after all one of the biggest surf towns in Victoria. If you didn't know, Torquay is the annual venue for the International Rip Curl Surfing Competition.

Spent the afternoon shopping a little, and then we headed towards Geelong.

We stopped for lunch when it started to drizzle a little. I was hoping that the food would warm me up, cause it was definitely colddddd outside when it was raining and windy...

Thank God the weather cleared up when we finished lunch. The sun came out to play with us again! Yays~!!

We walked along the waterfront, and then stopped by the skate park to admire the skills of some of the skateboarders there.

The park was very well designed... I was quite impressed~! I would probably have picked up skateboarding as well if I had this park outside my house! hehehehe... just joking :P

But yeah, they were really quite good. We spent quite some time soaking in the sun, and people watching.

It was all-in-all, a good weekend getaway.

We drove back to Melbourne, alongside the rest of the Geelong AFL supporters heading to Melbourne to watch the footie.

Oh just on the topic of footie, I should blog about my first live AFL final series experience soon!!

Stay tuned people, and be good :)

Of Love...

2010-09-26T10:21:00.001+10:00

"I love you"

3 simple words that a 3 year old can utter pretty easily...
But the question is,
How many can say it,
And still, truly mean what they say,
In the coming decade?

Is it as easy to retain the meaning behind it,
as it is, to physically pronounce those syllables?

Perhaps, time will solve this mystery,
Or it may make it more twisted and entangled.

As for now,
I am clearly aware of whom I love,
and those who love me back...

Happy Birthday~!!!

2010-09-13T23:24:00.000+10:00

A big shout out to my little sister...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FUNNY~!

Have an awesome time... although it can't be too awesome without me :) bleh... hehe

Muah~! Looking forward to seeing you in a few weeks! Yays!

Lorne

2010-09-13T23:12:00.000+10:00

We decided to take a drive, to a little retreat the other week. It was too last minute to get a cheap flight to Sydney or Gold Coast, so we kinda decided that it was going to be a domestic destination, probably some place that Jon can take his Golf GTI for a spin...

Yups, we headed West (OMG!) to go along the Great Ocean Road - yeah, in the middle of winter... Kekekeke. We wanted to have some peace and quiet, and thought there is no better destination that the iconic Great Ocean Road.

The views along the way, are just as breathtaking as I remember them to be years ago. I haven't been down this road in years~!!! After all, there is really no reason going down that way, unless you're a tourist, or the tour guide bringing tourists around.

Happy snappy :) tee hee hee... We got into Lorne in the afternoon and decided to check-in and leave our luggages in the room before exploring the town...

What breathtaking views from our room :)

I could just stay in this sea-view room everyday~!!! So serene. It even has its own spa in the bathroom, overlooking the lounge and sea (from the balcony). How awesome is that?!

Stopped by a fish and chips shop along the main strip, to have a little snack post lunch. :P

Don't know why, but don't you think that fish and chips always taste nicer when you're by the bay / beach or something??

Maybe it gives a false sense that the fishes are fresher... or maybe they are! Who knows?!! Tee hee...

Had to do the touristy stuff around town... kekeke. Snapping more pics with this Anzac memorial statue.

The evening was spent relaxing in the pool and spa.

Enjoying with the bubbles and jets... before heading to dinner.

Stuffed our faces with some yummy food... and then stuffed our faces some more with desserts~! :)

HMPHHHH~!!! :P

OMG~!! I so could not fit anything else into my tummy, or I will explode.

The night ended with some self camwhoring session, hehehehe... Can't help it, I love my dress :P

And more sessions in the spa. My skin was completely wrinkled by the end of the day, but it was oh so relaxing. Didn't have any trouble falling asleep that night at all.

**more to come in the next post**

Mission Accomplished...

2010-09-09T12:47:00.001+10:00

I started this NICU reg'ing rather unexpectedly, for those who knew what was going on in my life at that point. I decided to take it up as a stepping stone to O&G training, and also as a challenge to myself. I have always been afraid of NICU, I have to be honest... So different from adult medicine. So many beeping machines attached to them, so many lines inserted into their tiny little body. Those small, fragile things, who mean the world to their parents... I almost think to myself sometimes, "You break them, you pay~!!!".

I started this job with an amount of fear, for there is soooo much to learn with my minimal paediatrics experience. But I was also positive that I would be able to handle this position. If anything, it would make me a stronger person. More experienced, so I could counsel my obstetrics patients based on my first hand experience in the future.

The past two weeks have been crazy hectic at work... not in terms of numbers, but rather complexity. We have babies on high frequency oscillation, intubated, on nitric oxide and inotropes... 2 gastrochisis, NEC's and of course, the usual preterm infants. Been leaving work late, the last 2 days in a row. Jon's not too happy about that, of course... But I am going to be off the next 4 days! Yippie!! Too bad it's so last minute now, I can't make it back for Yap's wedding...

NICU has been so much fun, it seems like February is coming real soon~! It feels like I am only starting to feel more competent tubing little premi's and soon enough, this will be the end of my stint, and I will have to move back to Obstetrics. It's not that I don't like Obstetrics as much... I am sure I will enjoy it again once I get back into the swing of things... And besides, I should get alot more procedure / operating time next year being a trainee.

But hey, keeping my options open I guess... The adrenaline rush of being called to emergency deliveries, getting paged for Code Greens and Code Pinks. Resuscitating flat babies and premature infants... oh so exciting~! I just realised that I worked almost 100 hours the most recent fortnight... but I am loving it. I come home exhausted, but satisfied and with a smile on my face...

The thank you cards, and friendly hugs at the end of the day, are little reminders that I am doing my job well :)

Well, most days.

Let's just hope these crazy working hours doesn't take a toll on my personal life...

Getaway...

2010-08-25T23:28:00.000+10:00

I am looking forward to the weekend...

To get away from the big smog.
And have a little quiet time away,
And freeze my arse off here...

Two more sleeps....
Yay~!

Random musings...

2010-08-24T22:52:00.001+10:00

I had a long day at work today, but came home feeling accomplished :)

Today has been a good day...

Really lovely colleagues, and lots to learn.

Finally feeling comfortable and at ease being in the unit,

Dripping little premi's and doing procedures on them tiny little things.

Came home and unwinded to NCIS, and facebook browsing,

When I came across this...

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

A Christ-centered marriage is a marriage that is sure to last a lifetime.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6.

By Stephanie Hamilton

-------------------------------------------

I couldn't help but to shed a little tear....

Learn to appreciate what you have, before they're gone.

Because there are certain things in life,

That don't come twice.

I wanna be a taitai (not)~!

2010-08-19T21:16:00.007+10:00

It was a rare occasion that Addy and I had a day off together at the start of the week (yes, Monday!). We decided to head to the city for some hearty breakfast and also to soak up some sun :)

Hey, it's not everyday that we get to enjoy the "taitai" lifestyle, you know?!

Looks YUMS huh?? Jealous much?? While you're slaving away at work on a blue Monday morning, we were sipping lattes and enjoying our bacon and eggs.... Kekeke.

(Btw, I just realised that my outfit looked very much like the Malaysian primary school uniform!)

Oh the life :) Hehehe.

Well, not really... We were actually in the city to attend an interview for a training position for the 2011 medical year. I reckon we sooo deserve to pamper ourselves a little after the stressful interview!! The questions were tricky, and frankly.... rather unexpected.

But oh well, I decided not to think too much about it, since it was over anyway... and there was nothing I could do at that point. So why not enjoy the rest of the day with a little comfort food, and alot of shopping?! Hahahahhaha....

It's not everyday that you can justify spending money and not feeling guilty :P

Well, actually, we didn't really buy much. I think we bought hosiery as they were on sale.... and that was pretty much it, wasn't it?? Oh, and I replenished my diminishing supply of cosmetics at home (essential!).

I did buy a pair of G-Star Raw boots the following week, but that was for a separate reason - to celebrate getting a highly anticipated e-mail in my inbox.

I got in :D

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
~Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.~

____________________

Second chances

2010-08-18T20:23:00.002+10:00

I believe that second chances don't come by everyday.
And frankly, not everyone deserve them anyway.

But I always told myself, that if someone realizes his/her mistakes,
and sincerely repents -
then he/her deserves a second chance.

Purely because nobody is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes.
But the courage comes in admitting your mistakes,
and vowing to do better in the future.

I have done wrong in the past,
And someone gave ME a second chance.

And I,
Shall do the same for someone else as well.

If it works out, I know we will cherish each other more after the 'storm',
If it doesn't, then we both know that we have given our very best...

I am not afraid to try.
Yet, I am not afraid to let things take its own course.
Because sometimes, the harder you try to hang on to something,
The quicker they slip away...

Oh, the irony...

(Ps: Just felt like camwhoring and showing off my new hair, but the colour didn't quite show. Fail~!)

Baw Baw Day Trip

2010-08-17T21:00:00.000+10:00

Jonathan and I decided to take an impromptu trip to the snow last weekend. Something we used to do every year. Just kinda decide the day before, go get our boards ready, and up to the slopes we go!

This year, we were both a little lazy, because the snow season had a really unpromising start. We didn't want to drive too far away, just in case the snow is crap...

So we ended up taking a day trip up to Mount Baw Baw.

The drive wasn't quite as long as going to Mt Buller, Hotham, or Falls Creek, but the windy bits were quite long... and knowing that I don't travel well for extended distances, I equpped myself with "travel calm ginger tablets".

Pops about 3 of those on the way up :) tee hee...

It took about 2 hours to get to the village from my place. Pretty good if you asked me! We arrived at about 8.30 am, and some of the lifts weren't even opened yet!

First impression is, I really like this place :) Not quite as busy as Buller, and very family friendly. Everything is within walking distance, and quite well sign-posted. No to-ing and fro-ing to find something or some place...

Being the early birds, we got to enjoy the fresh snow on the newly groomed runs :) I love having the first carve~! Such a luxury...

Thought I was going to feel foreign on the board, given the fact that I haven't boarded at all this season... but it turned out fine :) No, actually, I turned out pretty good!! Hahaha.

Taking a break after a few runs.

It wasn't the runs that were tiring. It was holding on to the Poma's and T bars which were really taking it out of me... My arms were a little exhausted after awhile...

Jon said I really ought to relax a little bit!! Haha.

Well, the good thing is, I still haven't lost my touch :) and feel of the board...

Jonny boy on his banana board...

Had lunch at Kelly's Cafe at around noon...

Love the rustic feel of this place.

Mei was extremely excited about the giant chicken dimsim~!

Yups, that was a piece of dimsim... the size of a pau! Crazy huh??

Taking a breather after lunch and enjoying the view and serenity of this place... until it got busy in the afternoon.

The place was starting to get filled up with family and little kids in the afternoon. I guess it was probably a good thing that we arrived early and got the first cut of the slopes :)

We headed home early as we've covered all the slopes within like... 3 hours max.

My recommendation: Good for beginners, or first timers who want to have a feel of the snow, but after awhile, there is really not much left for us to explore. Good for chilling in front of a fireplace, with a good book and a hot cuppa tea...

Great place to bring your little family to... But really, not for hardcore snow bunnies... We even contemplated toboganning for awhile, but decided against it, when we found out that we had to pay more than 30 dollars each including deposit.

Really?? For a piece of plastic?! Thanks, but no thanks.

So, our warm-up trip to the snow was really quite enjoyable... but if I really wanted to board my heart out, I would probably head some place else.

Would definitely go back to Baw Baw someday though :) Perhaps, with Amira or my family... for some snow play and toboggan fun!

Having gone private...

2010-08-16T22:51:00.001+10:00

Some days, I think to myself if what happened a couple of months ago was indeed real?
The storm has settled and life seems to have resumed...

Some days, I wake up and can hardly remember that it all happened.

But on the flip side,

I look back...

And I smile to myself,
Looking at how far I have come,
And how much I have achieved over the last few months.

It is true they say,
No matter how bad the situation,
There is always something good to learn from it :)

You just have to look hard enough...

I. am. proud.
Of what I am,
Of who I have become...

Reminisce

2010-08-10T20:59:00.000+10:00

So much has happened this year. It never really hits, until we reminisce about it, because we usually get so stuck in prodding along, moving forward, pushing hard that we barely have time to sit down and take a look at how far we have come, from the point we thought was the end.

Yong Shen, a friend whom I have known for a decade now... was down in Melbourne last weekend, and we managed to do a little trio catch up :) over dinner and drinks.

Yong Shen, whom I thought is looking more prosperous now :) Kekeke.... and he's certainly grown and matured over the years. Some things change, and some things, never do.... He still wanted to eat at Dessert House!! Hahahaha...

He just couldn't resist their infamous spicy, crispy chicken... Well, I couldn't as well... It's like everytime we come, someone HAS to order this dish to make the trip worthwhile.

Karen joined us too, as she was the only one around. The rest of the gang were all interstate for their FRACP examinations. Bad timing I suppose. It's certainly been awhile since the whole gang got together for a proper catch up.

Mei & Yong Shen :)

After dinner, we adjourned for coffee and desserts. Yong Shen wanted to try the new Lindt Cafe on Collins Street, but too bad for him, the place doesn't open at night.

We actually walked all the way to Collins just to find that it's closed. So we ended up at Brunetti's along Collins & Swanston for some cakes and coffee.

Yumminess to my tummy :)

Karen didn't want anything too chocolatey, so we opted for fruits tarts instead.

Mei & Karen @ Brunetti's

I dropped Yong Shen off at the hotel later that night and went home. I wonder when's the next time I will get to see everyone as a group again. I certainly do miss our weekly Friday night dinners.

It's been an awesome, chilled night catching up with each other's lifes, reminiscing the good old carefree times, and also discussing our future :) It almost feels like it was just yesterday, when we were all students in uni.

Old friends, new adventures...

2010-07-30T12:17:00.001+10:00

Sorry for the lack of updates recently. Just finished my run of 7 days of work (with a few long days ie 13 hours shifts in a row) so I have pretty much been working, eating, sleeping, and back to work again...

I have got the day off today, so I thought I should update my blog so it doesn't start gathering moss. Hehehe...

It's been awhile since I last caught up with Addy and Karen. Being back at work certainly has its perks, but it does make it a little more difficult to catch up with my loved ones because of the odd, long hours I work...

Anyhow, I had the pleasure of Addy and Karen's presence for lunch the other day... and we decided to have claypot rice at Glen Waverley. Being Malaysians, I suppose we do miss local cuisines once in awhile... especially the exotic ones that can't really be found in other places.

After lunch, we headed over to have desserts at Cafe Moretti around the corner. I personally haven't been there before. I know of its existence, but have always gone to Coco Lounge / Mocha Joe's - so we decided to give this a try since they seemed to have a large selection of cakes / sweets.

Waited for my long lost friend, David Eu to come and join us. He was in Melbourne for a couple of days, and since I haven't caught up with him for 4-5 years, I HAD to this time around... I reckon the last time we saw each other was when I went to Sydney quite a few years back, or it could have been in KL when we both went back for a holiday...

The four of us shared 2 desserts. Most of the time, I was just digging into the apple and rhubarb crumble... It was quite yummy. Hehehe...

The girls left us after the afternoon tea session as Karen had to go back to the hospital to do practice cases for her FRACP exams (GOOD LUCK GIRL!!!)

After they left, David and I went back to the city for abit for him to get his luggage, and then hung out at St Kilda in the evening. He was going to stay overnight at a friend's place in St Kilda, just off Acland Street~! How happening indeed... hehehe.

Seeing David again (He goes by Cheng Teik nowadays) just reminded me of how I miss hanging out with this funny man! Hahahaha... Well, I'm looking forward to planning a short trip to Sydney (yes again) sometime soon :) I have a short break of a couple of days sometime next month... and I'm kinda considering either going to Sydney, or maybe to Adelaide to visit some good friends.

Hmmm... what do you think?

And oh, since we're on the topic of desserts before, here are a few more random yummy pics!! :)

Yummylicious huh??? We went to Westfield Doncaster the other night to have our favourite chilli dumplings :) Yes, we are indeed creatures of habit... Just have to get our fix :) teehee..

Waiting for the dessert...

Chocolate, strawberry & peanuts crepe with ice-cream.

Looks disgusting, but super yums :)

Winter

2010-07-22T16:18:00.002+10:00

Winter... used to be our favourite season of the year. Because we would be hitting the slopes hard~! We would take whatever opportunity we have, and make really spontaneous trips to the snow. Sometimes in a group, most times, just the two of us.

But there is not much snow at all this year. And since we didn't make bookings for New Zealand, like we did the past years... it looks like I'm not going to have a chance to go to the snow at all this year :( Boohoo....

Besides the snow, winter is pretty much gloomy really. Not my favourite time of the year because it's just sooo hard waking up and getting out of bed. It's usually wet, and cold. And even on my days off, I can't really do the things I want to do.

I can't sit at the park and read a good book.

I can't go out and have a spontaneous picnic.

I can't even walk my Remy boy without him turning brown.

Sigh, today's just one of those wet days.

Looks like my fluffy little boy just has to be indoors.

I don't suppose he minds it too much though.... I reckon he's quite contented just being lazy, lying on me.

Don't you just love him to bits?! Cause I sure do...

Possums

2010-07-21T22:09:00.000+10:00

Tonight,
I will miss the motoring noise of the possums outside.
Not in a bad way...
But just, different.

Keeping it interesting,
is apparently what it's called nowadays :P

Nitey nite, possum.

XOXO

Happiness to my tummy :)

2010-07-20T15:13:00.002+10:00

I had a random day off the other day. Bal rang me to do breakfast with her, and then to help her choose wallpapers for her new home~! :)

I of course said yes. I am honoured to have been given the opportunity to have input into her new pad. It's not everyday your friends ask for input into their new home. I reckon it's quite a personal thing...

But she said I've always had a good eye for pretty stuff :) So... hehehe... who am I to deny? :P

We met up a quaint little cafe in Balwyn, called the Snow Pony. The decor was simple, retro, and quite pretty really.

The menu was also a little different from the classic bacon and eggs. I loveeeee my traditional breakfast, but I also love them with a modern twist. I opted for the baked eggs, with chorizo, spinach, and fetta cheese~!

It was absolutely divine!!! I wiped it clean!!! Those who know me well knows that I rarely finish the food on my plate, but this was sooo good! The sourdough bread crust was a little tough, but besides that, I have got no complaints!

Bal was happy with hers too! I can't remember exactly what she ordered, but it had avocado, with mushrooms and poached eggs, drizzled with olive oil! Heavenly! She let me try some of her food, and I didn't wanna stop eating hers too! Kekekeke...

Maybe I was just happy I had a day off work.
Maybe I was just hungry!
Maybe, it was just cause the food was good!! Yums~!

Mei sporting the bold Alannah Hill bow dress :) I absolutely love it. I wore it to work the other day, cause I just HAD to wear it somewhere after buying it. Hehehe. And everyone complimented the dress :) Including the pathology nurse who's 50?

She came up to me with a serious face, and whispered "Mei, I just have to tell you, that you look nice everyday, but the dress today looks really beautiful on you".

AawWwwW.... thanks Di!

After stuffing our faces, the serious work begins! Hunting for the perfect wallpaper... Bal showed me a few of the ones she liked.... and after spending hours in the shop, we finally decided on the 2 that we liked most, and that we thought were the most suitable for her home...

Phewh!! Hard work I tell ya!! The boss at the shop was like, "you girls are still at it!!" and proceeded to give us some pointers etc.

Well, it was a good day indeed. I caught up with Addy for lunch and coffee after that, and brought Remy out for an evening walk :) Ran some errands, and then had dinner with Jon.

My day wasn't too exciting, but it was filled with purpose, filled with people I love. And for that, I am happy. And whilst I know that not everyday is going to be sunshine, I know that I will always have people who will stand by me, and support me in all I do.

Life is slowly resuming its normality, and I feel like I am recharged again, filled with motivation and purpose. I suppose, sometimes, some things need to happen in order for us to see things, and re-evaluate the situation.

This life is mine to live, and I will live it the way I want - Mei

-------------------------------------------------

Btw, I have decided to go private. This blog was started for my family and friends to keep up with what I have been doing, places I have been going, people I have been meeting. And whilst I have gained some 'fans' and 'supporters' along the way, I have also come to realise that I have 'strangers' coming to my blog, reading about my life, and judging me.

I know I can just ignore them and all that, but really, why put up with it when I have the choice of only allowing the people whom I want to read my blog, to be able to access it. So to those of you who would like to have access still, please drop me an email / comment with your email address so I can add you guys k? :)

I will continue blogging, but I just feel like I don't need to let everyone in. It's taken awhile for me to do this, but it's time to get it done. It's not that I have anything to hide. But I just feel like there are certain things that are better said in private. I am not the person who rubs salt into someone else's wound, for I believe that vengeance does not belong to me.

Someone asked me the other day, "What do you think she's feeling right now?"
"I don't know", was my answer.
"If she's sad and heartbroken because the relationship ended - then perhaps she could multiply that pain by 40, and then she'll have a slight idea of the pain I was in".

I don't hate her, but I don't have to be the first to feel sorry for her too. Because hey, did she ever feel sorry for me?

Congratulations~!

2010-07-13T17:44:00.000+10:00

Karen and Darren (I just realised that your names rhyme with each other's. Haha) were here on a short holiday a fortnight ago. I have known this girl for almost 2 decades now, and have always remained close despite the distance between us.

This girl never fails to make time for me whenever I go back to KL. Every single year, no matter what time of day :) It's only fair that I make time for her when she's here, isn't it? :P Besides, she's been driving me around all these years, it's about time I returned the favour! Hehe.

The 1'O' girls. Tee hee hee. It's been so super duper long huh? Good friends stand the test of time :) and distance.... between KL, the UK, Brisbane and Melbourne.

We went out for lunch in the city... along the little alleys where the coffee culture is rich :) The true Melbourne that many tourists do not see. Hehe...

Darren & Mei - two verrrrrry hungry person waiting for lunch to be served!! We practically finished our coffee while waiting for our mains to be served. But oh, the wait was so well worth it, because the food was steaming hot and oh so warming to the stomach :)

It was so good that Darren rang me a couple of days later, asking for directions back to the restaurant! Hahaha.

We walked around the city for abit after lunch, to burn off some calories~! And of course, so they could explore the city a little :) You have NOT been to Melbourne if you haven't been to Bourke St Mall - the commonest meeting point for everyone~! And the home for many marvelous street performers too.

The shopaholic unleashed~! :( They should be the ones shopping, not me!! Tsk tsk tsk...

The infamous Flinders Station and Federation Square - with Darren's cousin.

The gals on the bridge, with Southbank and Yarra River on the background. Bringing them around that day, reminded me of why I fell in love with Melbourne in the first place. This place holds a special place in my heart, albeit being here alone. It's funny, isn't it?

Enough of that, the highlight of their trip wasn't Melbourne per se, but more Sydney, cause.....

He proposed!!!!

Words cannot express how happy I am for the both of them~! :) I know I have said this already, but CONGRATULATIONS once again to the both of you! And make sure I'm the first to know once a date is set, cause I need to book my plane ticket home!! Woots!!

And girl, I'm still waiting for the rest of the pics in your camera! I really didn't take that many photos.... These are pretty much all I have from your entire trip here! :( Boooohoooo.

ps: Thanks again for the post-it note. I will always remember that I am loved :) *muah*

Chance

2010-07-12T17:42:00.001+10:00

It has been a week since I last blogged.
Much has happened the last week,
and I thought I'd rather spend my time living it,
Then to worry about how to live it.

There is only so much I can control with my head.
The rest, are felt from within the heart,
Illogical. Irrational. Unrealistic sometimes.
I walked out, only to find myself walking back in,
Swept by his words, his actions,
And courage in admitting his mistakes.

I asked him the other day,
If he feels like I fought for him,
He nodded and proceeded to say,
"You fought for me by fighting with yourself.
You allowed me to go out and see things for myself.
You opened up my eyes to what you are to me.
It must have been difficult,
To fight within yourself,
To not fight for me".

I couldn't help but nod at how right he was.
I couldn't help but to shed a little tear,
And at that moment,
I love him just a little bit more.

Happy Birthday Mommy Dearest~!

2010-07-04T11:46:00.001+10:00

Happy Birthday mommy~!!

I just want you to know how much I love you.

Not just on your special day, but every single moment of everyday.

Thank you for bringing me into this world,

And giving me the opportunity to experience everything in it for myself.

Yet still being there for me, every step of the way.

Thank you for making me see that you are always there,

When I'm happy, sad, angry, depressed, shocked, elated.

And mommy, most of all,

Thanks for loving my unconditionally,

Even though I'm imperfect...

Because I know, that I am perfect in your eyes.

Just like you are in mine.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN!

HAVE AN AWESOME AWESOME ONE! *muah*

Que Sera Sera

2010-07-01T22:30:00.002+10:00

July is here! We are officially in the 2nd half of the year...

Time certainly flies when you're having a good time.
And it seems to be at a standstill when you're hurting.
It's funny isn't it??
When things are good, we would never really think twice about them,
And before we know it,
The dawn brings another day.
But when we hit a low point in our lives,
Then the pain seems to linger.
Time seems to stop. The clock seems to tick just that little bit slower,
Just so that you will feel the pain just a wee bit longer.

It's been awhile since I last updated.
The weekend was very eventful.
I heard a piece of news, which shocked me to a degree.
Not in a bad way though.
But nevertheless, unexpected.
Karma can really bite you back sometimes.

Work has been busy busy,
But I am enjoying this learning experience.
Been spending quality time with my lovelies from high school,
And also been dating a little, which is exciting.
This all feels so familiar, yet so new at the same time.

No expectations, No pressure, No disappointment.
Just going with the flow...
Learning to breathe, and take it all in.
If it's meant to be, it will be...

Get well soon

2010-06-25T23:41:00.002+10:00

Take good care of yourself...
*hugz*

The weekend is here~!

2010-06-25T18:11:00.000+10:00

Woohoo!!!
Not many more for me to enjoy, before I would have to work the weekends again :(
Not to mention, the dreaded....
NIGHT SHIFTS!

Savour the moment, Mei :P
Enjoy it while you can....

Perhaps I've gone cookoo! Now I'm talking to myself as if I'm a third person. Hhmmm...

Eternal?

2010-06-22T16:06:00.000+10:00

The leaves have fallen.

The season's changed.

But my love still remains.

In spite of everything,

Despite everything.

Only you. And I.

Will understand.

This love,

Amidst the pain.

Mission (Im)possible?

2010-06-21T23:14:00.000+10:00

My mission,
Is to eat healthy and regularly,
To gain back the weight I lost during this period.

I have yet to weigh myself,
Simply because I don't have a weighing scale,
But mainly because I'm afraid of what I might see.

Colleagues have been commenting on the weight loss,
And friends are concerned.
Which means it has to be quite apparent.
It worries me somewhat...

It's great that I can fit into my old Bettina Liano's,
But it's also a warning sign,
That I need to do something about it...
I swear this is not intentional.
I am not trying to torture myself.

Time for an intervention!
Anyone wanna buy me lunch?

Ps: I even tried de-worming myself (just in case some little creature is stealing my nutrients!)

Time

2010-06-20T23:22:00.000+10:00

It's been awhile, I know... Wouldn't say that much has happened. But I wouldn't really say that my week hasn't been exciting either. The problem with not updating is, when you do, you don't quite know where or how to start. Or what to say...

This week has been jam packed for me. I had something occupying my mind, so I guess I needed a little distraction. A little something to keep myself occupied so I didn't have time to think too much. I wanted to use this time to 'detox' and clear my mind. I wanted to use this time to get myself back. And I think I did pretty well :D

I thought I had to work on Queen's birthday, but it turned out that I didn't when I checked my roster~! Haha... what a pleasant surprise!! :) Went out for SATC2 with Ai Hwa and then had dinner at her place with her sister.

I love this girl to bits! We have known each other for 15 years, and we were deskmates back in high school. I still remember those days where we used to swap bags, swap pencil cases etc. She was also the girl that went walking around KL city with me, looking for sponsors for our school magazine back in the Ed Board days!

Work's been pretty much keeping me busy for the rest of the week really... I worked the long day for most parts of the week. Today was my only day off. Slowly starting to feel like I'm getting the hang of things now. Still, I get very excited when I get an iv into those tiny little neonates! It is sooooo different from sticking in a grey 16G into the pregnant ladies with good veins! Been attending births and deliveries in theatre too.

Oh did I mention that I got my certificate for passing the Neonatal Resuscitation Program?? Yays!!

Caught up with Bong who was down in Melbourne over the week. The last I saw him when during Boon's wedding... Much has changed since for him, and of course... for me too. But hey, what remains is... he's still as funny as ever!

And really, he's the definition of a friend in need, is a friend indeed. Hehe. To 10 years of friendship, Bong! *cheers*

And I absolutely adore your gal :) I love how we could just talk as if we've known each other for ages! :)

Too bad I got called in to work on Saturday, otherwise we could have hung out a little more! But oh well, there's always another time I suppose! I should really make a trip up to Gold Coast again! It's been 4-5 years I think!

My rest day today, was spent with good old friends from school. We met up for yumcha at Chadstone... ( We forgot to snap pics dang!! Too busy gobbling down our lunch!)

Followed by some retail therapy during this end of financial year sale :)

The day ended with Shrek Forever After in 3D, and also quality time with my Remy boy. Shrek is soooo worth watching! Truly entertaining, yet it had such a good moral to the story it made me cry at some bits. It kinda hit close to home when Fiona told him that he has everything, and yet he's the only one who doesn't seem to see it.

And it's true when he said "You'll never really know what you have, until they're gone".

Definitely one to buy on blue ray disc when it comes out~! =)

How was your week??

(Finally, a post with photos, cause you know what?! I have nothing to hide... I just wanna be my old cheery self! I want myself back. I want my life back.)

My blog

2010-06-14T11:42:00.001+10:00

I started this blog 5 years ago,
to pen down my thoughts about a certain someone,
whom at that point,
I didn't know how to speak to, or rather,
I felt like I couldn't speak to.

But over the years,
I have come to realize that my posts about that certain someone
Has decreased, and the truth is,
I have been writing more about someone else,
About us, and our little family together.
About all that we've built over the last few years.

Some days, like today...
As I was "revamping"
I would re-read my posts and occasionally smile to myself,
Reminded of all the happy moments we shared with each other.
"I wonder if he remembers that I wrote this about him"
"I wonder if he remembers that I wrote this about us"

I wonder,
If he remembers all the good times we had together.
All the times I made him smile, and made him happy.
All the times he made me feel like I was the luckiest girl alive.

I couldn't help but wonder,
If he thinks of me too.
Over on the other side.
Or am I merely a blur, faded memory of yesterday.

----------------------------------------------------------

On a totally separate note, I webcam-ed with sis on her brand spanking new iMac last night~! It's been awhile since I webcam-ed with her. The last session we had, she had no microphone, so I had to speak, and she had to type to reply me! Hahahahah.

And SATC2 today! Yippie!!

2010-06-12T21:57:00.000+10:00

I am slightly heavy hearted,
But it's probably for the better.
I am hoping it will provide me with more clarity.

Double Standards

2010-06-11T17:07:00.002+10:00

My sister posted this question: How would you choose? Would you choose to be happy? Or correct? And can you truly be happy knowing that you're wrong, but have chosen to turn a blind eye towards it?

Most people would choose to be happy, of course. But being the rational her she's always been - I know she would choose to be correct. But "correct" is merely a matter of perspective. A matter of which side of the story you heard, or which side of the situation you're a part of. "Correct" is only as correct as you rationalize it to be, by your own standards, in your own head.

I always told myself that it was 'right' that the relationship ended. Because clearly, if we were truly that happy, he wouldn't have looked elsewhere. I can't deny that our relationship had issues. The end of the relationship gave the both of us the time, and opportunity to reflect on things that we did, or did not do. Things we said, did not say, did not have a chance to say, or maybe just did not occur to us to say. The end of the relationship gave us time to process the good, with the bad. It gave us the chance to voice our anger. It is giving us time to wash the anger away. The end of the relationship, gave us a chance to miss each other, believe it or not.

I told myself, as cliche as it may sound to you guys, once the anger is washed away, the truth will come out. If it's meant to be, it will be. If it comes back, then it's yours. If it doesn't, then it never was. Feelings don't lie. Love does not lie. It's us people, who do.

We can do a million things, make up a thousand excuses to rationalize the decisions we make. But as long as there is a sniff of guilt, then you're right - It will always come back and haunt you. And when that day comes, when someone else does to you what you have rationalized to be right in your books previously, I wonder... if it is still going to be right then?

I wonder, if it's all going to be alright...

And that's when we all practise double standards, isn't it? That's when you suddenly catch yourself, being on the other side.

Funny how people say trust is fundamental in a relationship - but my honest question is, do you truly, and fully, trust? Can you??

Good post, Fun - provoked me to think, really!

Down and out

2010-06-08T15:23:00.001+10:00

The only thing worse than being alone,
Is being sick, and being alone.
I have been coughing like a mad woman for the last few days.
My throat hurts like shit, and so does my chest.
My head is pounding, and I feel like I'm floating in thin air.
Needless to say, I called in sick yesterday...
and basically slept in the whole day.
Got sent home from work today, in fear of infecting others.
(which is fair enough I guess).

The hardest thing is to lug myself around,
To cook a meal for myself, and the boy of course.
I had congee last night - with Bovril.
*I can hear some of you going yucks!*
But it's something my grandma used to make for us,
When we were little kids.
It was plain, simple... yet comforting.
It was like that scene in "Ratatouille" where he tasted the food,
and was immediately brought back to the memories of when he was a little boy.
Coming home to grandma's home cooked food.
It was a peasant dish, but oh so comforting...
To the stomach, to my heart.

(And thanks for coming to check on me. I am downing Panadol & cough suppressant now. Hopefully, will feel better soon).

I. JUST. WANT. TO. GET. WELL!

2010-06-06T10:13:00.000+10:00

Emotionally volatile...

I am so screwed! :(

Stand tall

2010-06-04T20:12:00.000+10:00

He once told me that he loved my silent confidence.
How I was always modest, and earnest.
Yet I exude this aura of confidence by just being 'me'.
I thought he was just being silly then,
Complimenting me to make me happy.
I couldn't really see what he meant.

But I have to admit though,
I have gotten so caught up in 'us'.
That I have lost myself for awhile.
Don't exactly know when, or how.
But I look back, and I realize that I haven't had it for some time.

But the past few days,
I wake up, and I see the world in a different perspective.
I feel somewhat liberated.
I feel free.
I feel like the fire in me is burning again.

I go to work feeling enthusiastic,
Like everyday is a new learning experience.
Everyday, I set myself a new challenge.
I return home feeling exhausted, but accomplished.
(Thank God It's Friday!)
I come home to my own breathing space,
Make myself a comforting bubble bath,
and unwind with my beloved little Remy.

Not wanting to drown my sorrows with work,
I strive to strike a balance in my life.
I am reconnecting with my friends again,
I am going out for dinners and parties again,
(Yay to party tomorrow night!)
I still wanna continue doing all the things we used to do,
Snowboarding, golfing, picnic-ing,
travelling, sailing, boating and much more,
And also do the things that we've always talked about,
But never got to do,
Phiphi picking, possum feeding, hot air ballooning.

I have come to realize that it is true when they say,
Losing you, doesn't have to mean losing me.

I finally understand what you mean by my silent confidence.
Because right now, I am loving myself for it!

I dont give a shit~!

2010-06-02T22:44:00.001+10:00

Ladida...
Someone was asking me about the "photo album" incident.
And you know what?
I don't care what she does.
Or why she did it.
You can go ask her if you wish :)

She can digitally erase me,
Wipe me out however she likes,
But she can't physically delete me from the world.
Because hello~!
I exist, and I. AM. RIGHT. HERE.
Whether she likes it or not.

Brand new :)

2010-06-02T00:28:00.004+10:00

A good friend said to me some weeks back
"April was yesterday, May is today, and June is tomorrow"
So forget the pain from yesterday, and look forward to a better tomorrow.

And guess what???
Today is my "tomorrow"!
To my brand new month.
My brand new start.

So screw the sad and chuck away the bad,
Trying not to be at all mad,
Ok maybe I lie, I am still a tad.
(OoOohhh... I can rhyme)

But it doesn't mean that I can't look forward,
To bigger, better things in life.
Things that are within my control.
Like, becoming more independent,
and be better at my new job :)
Doing things that I've always wanted to do,
Things that I have forgotten about over the years.

Just a few off the top of my head:
- Girly night outs
- Redecorate my pad and make it all "cozy" and "mine!"
- Join a dance class. I am thinking latin / salsa baybeh!
- Do another paper / exam or something.
- Maybe learn to date again.

Btw, for those who didn't know, I have returned to full time work, to a job that is better paying, and higher position than my previous. I am so psyched! I haven't been so motivated in awhile now! This job couldn't have come at a better time. Furthermore, I did not directly apply for this positon. But am truly glad I landed myself this job. It has installed confidence back in myself. It gave me back the fire that I was lacking before. I feel like the driven Mei I once knew, is back.

I do have to admit that God has been kind to me. He gave me something good, when he took the relationship away from me.

And thanks to all my dear friends who stood by me during this difficult time. Especially those who rang / sms me everyday to check on me. To make sure I was ok. To make sure I had something to eat. To just be there....

That's what friends are for. Your real ones pick you up when you're down, not stab you on your back and watch you bleed. So thanks a million guys, I really really appreciate it, from the bottom of my heart, I cannot thank you all enough.

*muah*

And sending a thousand hugs and kisses to my family, far far away.... but forever, close to heart.

"Click"

2010-05-30T11:18:00.004+10:00

When the relationship ended between him and I,
I told myself that I cannot erase the past 4 years of my life,
Because the past 4 years, happened.
And he was a huge part of it.
The memories - good and bad,
I respect them, I cherish them, I learn from them.

People have asked if I am going to 'cut him off'.
Delete his phone number, delete him off my social networking sites,
Delete all the photos of us.
Basically, erase all existence.
They said "It is only going to be easier for you".
"To not see heart wrenching photos, or status updates, and the ultimate....
Relationship status update".

But I am sure those who know me,
Knows that I am not one who will just hide,
and take the easy way out when dealing with things.
I left all my "footprints" on his wall,
I left all our photos on the networking site.
I left all the pictures tagged,
Even the ones from that faithful trip the 3 of us took.
Because, I respect those memories. Every single bit of them.
And secondly, I am not ashamed, and have nothing to hide.

I want to bounce back from this,
A stronger person.
One who does whatever she wants, whenever she wants to.
One who is in control of her own life.
And is able to face reality.

But last night, I logged in,
And realized that she has taken down the whole album.
It's as if the whole trip never happened.
As if the whole thing between the three of us never happened.

If only, life was that easy.
If only we could simply click a button,
to "delete" "rewind" "replay".
But unfortunately, it does not work that way.
It does not change the past.
It does not make the present any easier,
Nor the future any less complicated.

That's why words like "anger, betrayal, guilt, shame, regrets"
exist in the English dictionary.

If doing that makes her happier, or makes her life easier in some ways,
By all means.
But all I can say is,
"I hope you are happy, guilt-free and can sleep peacefully at night"

Because at the end of the day, I believe in the saying,

"Never do to others what you do not want done to yourself".

Because what goes around, comes around...

3 years and counting...

2010-05-29T12:56:00.002+10:00

Today,
My beloved little boy turns 3~!!!
Time seems to just fly when you're happy,
When you're having fun.
It seems like it was only yesterday when we brought the boy home.
Thinking that "he doesn't bark, he doesn't terrorize the house."
HmmMm.... boy, were we wrong!

There were nights when he felt like he was the guard dog,
and needed to protect us from little insects and possums outside.
(ie non stop barking!!)
But there were also nights where he would sleep on his back,
right next to you.... like a tired little boy after a whole day of school.
And cuddles right up to you in the early morning when it got cold.

There were times when he would play rough and bite me by accident.
(which is really annoying! :P)
There were times when he would chew my favourite pair of shoes.
There were times when he would be sick, and would wanna hide away from us.
There were times when he wouldn't want to come home from his walk,
and would pull us to walk him some more.
There were times when he would fart, and then run away,
And leave us to enjoy the aromatic aftermath of it!

But most of all, there are always times, when he would just be there for you,
Happy to see you come home to him,
And would be the first to give you a bigggg cuddle!

And the times when he would just sit right next to you,
With his paws on your lap to hug you,
And gives you his "It will all be alright" stare.

Mommy loves you lots, my dearest Remy poo.
(I am sure Daddy poo loves you lots too).

HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY MY BABY! May there be many many more to come~!

What takes your breath away?

2010-05-26T17:32:00.001+10:00

I have been trying so hard to have some sort of order back in my life.
I think of this, and plan for that. And try to predict all the "what if's".
I always want to do the right thing. By me, by others around me.
I don't want to say this. I shall not say that. I can't do this. I shall not do that.
Sometimes, being the 'better' one gets tiring.

Some days, I just wanna do what I feel like,
Say whatever I want,
Live in the moment, for the moment.
And face whatever happens next. Next.
I just want to be happy too.
Whether it's for a moment, a season, or a lifetime.
Time will tell.

And only I will know whether it's all worth it in the end.

2010-05-24T22:13:00.000+10:00

I am considering...
Putting my blog on "private".

Me

2010-05-23T10:08:00.003+10:00

It's been a few days since I last penned down something.
I wasn't even sure whether I wanted to write this entry.
I didn't want to say anything to hurt anyone's feelings, albeit unintentionally.
I didn't want to say anything that would trigger unhappiness in myself.
I didn't want to 'think' basically.

I don't want to evaluate the situation in my head anymore.
I am too tired.
I have had enough.

I let myself be bogged down by all the emotions the past few days,
And I realize it hasn't brought me anywhere but back.
Back to the memories of us,
Back to the things that happened after.
Back to the web of entanglement.

We had our story.
Some love stories aren't epic novels.
Some are short stories.
But that doesn't make them any less filled with love.

I love you, and perhaps I always will.
But I also need to love me too.
And I need to love myself, my way.
In my time...

So now, I shall be just 'me'.
(And my Remy of course)
I look forward to tomorrow,
and I will keep looking forward to the day after that, and the day after.
One minute less of thinking about things that are beyond my control,
Is one minute more spent making myself happy.

Sorry

2010-05-20T22:53:00.004+10:00

I am sorry if my previous post caused concerns,
Or hurt anyone's feelings.
I had no intentions of putting the blame on anyone.
Or to paint anyone in bad light.

Just want to say that I am okay.
Those silly thoughts came, and as quickly as they came...
They left. And never came back.

Now,
Everyday, I wake up with a smile on my face,
For I have my little boy right next to me,
Cuddling up to me.
Being there for me.

Now,
I have new goals, and purpose in life.
And everyday, I challenge myself to do something new.
To do something productive.
To do something I love.

For I realize, that I still have someone I love, right next to me... there with me, every step of the way.

My boy, sleeping right next to me. Curled up under the doona. I love him to bits.

(Tonight, I finally parted with the Doraemon cake I got for his birthday. Yes, I kept it in the fridge till today).

When it is dark enough, you will see the stars.

2010-05-20T01:10:00.004+10:00

April was nothing short of a horrible month for me. I have never felt so alone, being away from my family, thinking that I was building one of my own, only to lose it all within a night. I lost all that I believed in - love, relationship, friendship. I had to leave Melbourne, and everything behind, including my little Remy boy, to escape from all the pain. I could bear it no longer. I was afraid that if I trapped myself in that "home" we built together, I would end up taking my life.

Being a doctor, and seeing parasuicide victims, I always wondered why they attempted suicide. Surely there are way out of whatever situation they were in. But when everything happens at the same time, it gets too overwhelming. At that darkest moment in my life, I was away from my family, found out that my dearest grandma had been admitted to hospital, I had no full time job, my man left me for my good friend, and I had an exam to sit in 2 days' time. My previously almost perfect little world, crumbled right in front of my very eyes. It was wayy too much to handle. I was close to taking my own life.

But the thought was fleeting as I kept telling myself, that I shall not let them have the last laugh. If I were to be gone, it doesn't change things between the both of them. It only changes things for my grandma, my parents, my sister, and my dear friends who still love me. It was then, that I realize that there are still people who love me, albeit being far away. My Remy boy loves me, although he can't verbalize it. He shows it with his actions.

It was then, that I booked my ticket - and flew home to be around people who would love me no matter what. People who had hopes and dreams on me. My pillars of strength. My stars on the darkest of nights. The ones that gave me my will to carry on.

Much has happened since the day he walked out. He has taught me that blood is always thicker than water. Your family will always love you. God, will always love you.

Grandma has been discharged from the hospital and is doing quite well. She spent the week with me before I came back to Melbourne. My good friends would come to see me after work, to have dinner or drinks, or just do nothing. They would ring to make sure I was okay. My sister would tuck me into bed, and tell me that tomorrow would be a better day, on nights that I cried myself to sleep. My mom need not say anything or ask any questions. She understood my pain. She would just give me a big hug and let me cry it out. She also made sure I had something to eat everyday, even though I couldn't stomach much. My dad offered few, yet very wise words - but I felt his love.

"You may be angry at her now, but a few years down the road, you will come to see that she has indeed done you a favour. She allowed you to see him for who he really is, and who she really is".

"And now it's time for you to show the world, and prove to yourself who you truly are, and what you are capable of".

----------------------------------------------------------
If only you were patient enough to stay during the darkest nights.
You will come to see that my stars are finally starting to shine.

Addit: This post was written with no malicious intent to hurt anyone. He did not choose to break the news just before exams. I knew that something wasn't right, and pushed him for an answer.
Also, I hope my readers will not pass judgements, for whatever happened, remains between us. There is no hatred in us parting, and I hope things remain that way in years to come.

Persevere

2010-05-18T22:24:00.001+10:00

Good things do happen to good people.

You just have to be patient enough.

Google?

2010-05-17T23:41:00.002+10:00

Someone googled "her" name and arrived on my blog.
I wonder who could that be?
And what did he/her think I was going to write about "her"?

I have not mentioned any specifics on what happened.
And I won't stoop to that.

If there is anything left of me,
It's that I intend to let go graciously,
Walking on the moral high ground.

I want to be the "better" person for once.
For vengeance is not mine.

(But some days, I couldn't help but wonder... does she even feel a tinge of guilt?)

At ease, but at peace?

2010-05-16T13:16:00.000+10:00

I am slowly,
Getting used to being in the house without him.
Sleeping gets a little easier each night.

The only thing is,
I wish I could teleport my family over some times.
Not because of the things they say,
Or the food mom cooks,
Neither is it about sister's wits,
Nor daddy's wise words.

But just because of the comfort,
they provide by just being there.

The silence is peaceful,
calming.
completing.

The silence now, is quite different.
Oh well, I guess I'd have to rely on the TV and iTunes for now.
Until the day, the silence becomes... comforting.

Back

2010-05-15T14:02:00.003+10:00

I am back in the house in Melbourne. The flight was pretty good. It was delayed by an hour, so I got to spend some extra time with the family and grandma. But we still arrived pretty much on time, so the pilot must have been "speeding". We were a light load anyway. I got both seats to myself - window and aisle. Watched 2 movies, finished reading a book, and also had time to sleep. Unlike my life, there was no turbulence. Smooth flight back.

Walked into the house, and it felt as if he had erased his existence. Cleared his wardrobe, his shoes, his desk, alcohol on the shelves, well practically everything. Perhaps it's not a bad thing. It made coming home a little easier, not to be greeted by all his belongings. Not to be reminded of what was, but is no longer. My eyes got watery, but it wasn't pain. It wasn't hurt. It was like "Take a last look, take this all in, reminisce a little if you have to, for tomorrow, it will all look different".

Tomorrow will be a brand new day. I have some shopping and redecorating to do. I need to move some stuff around, and the most important thing is to change the bedsheets and perhaps move the bed to a different position. I need to get a new ironing system as well. But all these, come secondary to spending time with my beloved little Remy.

My heart tugged when I found out that he's interstate to see her. That things are progressing at lightning speed, I can only assume. But then I told myself, it doesn't concern me anymore. If anything, he has probably done me a favour by making things very clear, to ease me in my journey moving forward. Perhaps my dear friend is right - That the end of our relationship for him, long predates the official conclusion when I was made aware. It just goes to show that you can sleep on the same bed, be right next to the person, yet not know exactly what's on his mind.

Coming back to this house was the ultimate test of strength for me. I had prepared myself for the worse. I thought I was going to breakdown when I touched down - but I didn't. As the plane approached the horizon, my heart seemed to have thumped so fast I thought I was going to die - but I didn't. Coming into the house, I thought I was going to be flooded with memories of us. I thought it was going to be impossible to sleep on the bed tonight - but it wasn't.

I am stronger than what I give myself credit for. I am proud.

It will take time. But acceptance is the first step towards recovery. And I don't have to be all magnanimous and be the first to congratulate them getting together, or wish them the very best in their future together. But I know that one day, I will not be affected one bit by what they are doing, with or without each other. And I long for the arrival of that day.

For I have a date with my dear friend, to celebrate over a glass of good red, and laugh at how life has its mysterious ways of bringing us to exactly where we ought to be. And at that moment, it will become apparent why it didn't work out.

I am back, and I am still alive. Took down all photos of us, and kept them in my keepsake box. No sobbing, no staring blankly at walls. No sleeping outside on the couch.

Today, I am looking forward to what tomorrow has installed for me. And I shall continue to do so for the rest of my life. Thank you, for the support of all my family and dear friends. You guys are absolutely amazing.

----------------------------------------------
I realise now why I never gave up blogging over the past 5 years. It's because this blog is my best friend. The one that I can say anything to. It doesn't judge. It doesn't try to give me answers or offer solutions. It just..... 'listens'.

Vengeance belongs to the Lord

2010-05-14T02:21:00.001+10:00

I remember that night,
As we lie awake,
Talking about everything under the stars,
Catching up on our lost years,
She mentioned that she felt,
He wasn't ready for the next step.
It disturbed me.
I didn't understand then.
But I do now.

---------------------------------------------------------
One more sleep,
And I'll be on the plane back to Melbourne.
I don't quite know how to describe what I'm feeling.
Scared is an under statement. Terrified perhaps.
Yet at the same time,
Determined to find the courage in me,
To face our final closure.
The end of our story - so I can lock it up and store it away.

I am looking forward to a brand new start.
The next chapter of my life, waiting to be written.
I owe it to myself that much.

As for now, I shall live for the moment. For tonight.
For I know, the moment doesn't last forever.

I shall enjoy the embrace of my family one last night.
I shall soak in the support of my friends one last night.
I shall take it all in,
Channel their love to become my strength,
To face what comes next.
However impossible it may seem.

Self discovery

2010-05-13T03:34:00.002+10:00

Those who know me, knows that I am a huge SATC fan.
I always had this secret wish that I could express myself like Carrie does on her column.
I always wanted to have a wardrobe like hers!
Shoes and handbags of hers! :)
I was always envious of her "Charlotte, Miranda & Samantha"
who would always stick by her,
Through thick or thin, rain or storm.

I was watching a re-run of SATC when I came across this:

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

Perhaps it is time to rediscover my relationship with myself.
Not the 'me' defined by what is around me... but purely by me.

Solace.

2010-05-12T01:07:00.003+10:00

This is MY little space,
And I will continue to write what I feel,
The way I want,
Because it's ME.
It's my outlet, it's my therapy.
Always has been.

I have not mentioned names.
I have not said anything nasty.
If you want to read the posts,
It's your choice.
But if you're asking me not to blog,
Because it's difficult for you to read,
Then I'm sorry, I can't do that for you.

You said that I wronged my ex-bf,
And yet I condemn the both of you for doing the same,
That I'm telling one side of the story.
But the truth is, I have long told my story.

Yes, I do believe this is karma biting me back,
For the wrongs I have done in the past.
I lost the guy I loved then because of it.

I am not proud of it,
But at least I had the strength to own up to it.
I had the courage to face the world,
And apologized for it. (you can read my older posts)
I am not afraid of what "the world" might think of me.

I did the crime, and I paid my time.
And you know how miserable I made myself,
I made myself suffer in hope that I would feel better,
Before you walked into my life.

And convinced me I could still find love.
That I could still be happy,
That everyone makes mistakes,
But if they sincerely repent and learn from them,
Then everyone deserves a second chance.

But me having done wrong in my past,
Does not make what you are doing, right.

You can go ahead and do whatever,
It does not change anything between us.
I harbour no hope on our relationship anymore.
But please, at the same time...
Just let me blog,
And let me grieve my way.
So I too, can move on with life.

Inching forward

2010-05-11T12:31:00.001+10:00

I survived another night.

No wanting to dial his number on my phone.
No wanting to check my emails,
In hope that he would have sent me something.
No wanting to ring someone to find out how he is.
No wondering how close they are now.
No tears shed.

One more step forward for me.
Another day lived.

2010-05-10T16:29:00.001+10:00

As I lie awake,
thinking of my past, present,
and all that's been happening.

I couldn't help but wonder,

Am I destined to be alone?

Where do I truly belong?

The definition of selfless...

2010-05-10T02:08:00.000+10:00

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, MOMMY DEAREST!!

Thanks for being here for me, every minute of the day, during this difficult time.

Thanks for not asking questions eventhough I know you have multiple questions in your head.

Thanks for being all ears on moments that I was ready to talk.

Thanks for the comforting hugs that mean sooo sooo much.

Thank you mommy, for everything.
For your unconditional love, even before I was born.

I LOVE YOU.
I may not say it everyday, or show it very often.
But I really do... from the bottom of my heart, I do.

Some days

2010-05-08T23:54:00.001+10:00

Some days, I feel like asking her
"Why??"
Some days, I feel like asking her
"How could you?"
Some days, I feel like asking her
"Was I ever your good friend??"
Some days, I feel like asking her
"Why didn't you warn me?"
Some days, I feel like asking her
"Why didn't you say something after he told you?"
Some days, I feel like asking her
"Would you still be my friend if I did the same to you?"

But most days... I just have nothing to say
Because nothing she says, can erase what happened.

Someone said to me,
It's neither right nor wrong when feelings develop,
But it's what you do about them, that is right or wrong.

I do not hate her,
I'd like to believe I am better than that,
But I can never see her the same way,
Ever again.

With Love

2010-05-06T23:58:00.000+10:00

Happy 60th Birthday Daddy!

Perhaps this unplanned trip back to KL, is a blessing in disguise.
I got to spend his special day with him.
In the presence of all his loved ones.

It's been awhile since the whole family got together for a special occasion.
Mom, Dad, Sis and I.
We are one again - a complete family.

Happy Birthday Daddy.
May you have all the happiness in the world!
For you deserve it.

He is not filthy rich,
He is not on the cover of TIME or Financial Review,
He is not the CEO of some multi million dollar company,
He does not have a driver to chauffeur me around,
He does not buy me branded handbags for my birthdays,
He does not buy me expensive footwear for Christmas.

But he is the best daddy around,
Because he loves me no matter what.
No matter how old I am,
Or how far away I live,
Or what mistakes I have made.

He loves me just the same... if not more.

I love you daddy...
Happy Birthday again.

2010-05-06T01:54:00.000+10:00

Today,
I shed no tear.
And for that, I am proud.

Closure

2010-05-04T16:43:00.000+10:00

I really needed the conversation this morning.
So I can be very clear as to what my next step should be.
Of which path I need to walk down.
I needed closure. And I think I got it.

And no, I do not hate you.
I don't think I ever could, I don't think I ever will.
Perhaps you're right. The problem lies in me loving you too much.
That I have forgotten how to love myself.

Today, I re-read alot of my blog posts,
And realised that we really did have alot of good times together.
You did alot for me too,
Made me do things that I wouldn't have in the past.
Made me experience things I never thought possible.
You made me feel accomplished, in making you a better person.

But today, also marks the day,
That I am officially letting go.
Of all hope, of wanting to fix things.
The fond memories stay...
I will cherish them, but no longer hold on to them.

I shall leave you, and me...
With a few of my favourite quotes from years ago.
I have posted them before,
But never thought they would mean so much when I re-read them.

Sometimes, we must get hurt in order to grow. We must fail in order to know. Sometimes, our vision clears only after our eyes are washed away with tears.

I cried when I knew I lost you, afraid I had lost it all. Then I realised that losing you, didn't have to mean I lost me.

Aim for success, not perfection. Never give up your right to be wrong, because then you'll lose your ability to learn new things and move forward with your life.

Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared.

Hope begins in the dark. The stubborn hope that if you just show up and do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait, and watch, and work. You don't just give up!

You'll be surprised how far you can go, from the point where you thought was the end.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
There shall be no hatred in us parting.
My love for you, will today, be kept in a box.
And stored away.

I shall return a stronger, more courageous person.
You shall never see me in this state, ever again.
I do not want to be remembered this way.

Wake up!!

2010-05-04T00:33:00.002+10:00

I really need to wake up and smell reality!
I need to stop living in my own fairy tale bubble,
Hoping that things will be okay.
Hoping that there was a slight chance he would change his mind.
Hoping that there was a tinge of hope I could fix things when I got back.
Hoping that some day, we would be together once again.

I couldn't wait any longer.
I got my answer.
She has admitted that she is falling for him,
and that they are trying to move forward.

I know I have said that I feel no anger.
Only disappointment, and betrayal.
But perhaps, I was wrong.
I do feel angry after hearing that piece of news.
Shattered!
Like the slightest hope, has been pulled from underneath me.
Tripping me, making me fall to the ground once again.
The 2 people that I care about, and love,
Stabbing me, and leaving me to bleed to death.

I may be angry that he is moving on so quickly.
For giving up on what we had.
I may be angry that she has chosen him instead,
Over 10 years of friendship.
But mostly, I am angry at myself.
For having been so stupid.
For having not seen this coming.
For putting so much faith on them,
To not do this to me now.

I feel stupid,
For thinking that I was the happiest woman on earth.
For thinking that I had everything I wanted.
For thinking that he loved me, the way I love him.

But I am wrong.
So please Mei,
Freaking wake up, and move on!!
You gotta be more courageous!! You have got to!!

I wonder

2010-05-03T22:55:00.005+10:00

If she will ever call me again.
Maybe not today, or tomorrow...
But when will she be ready to give me her answer?
Ready or not,
Hurtful or not,
We all need to face it someday...